Indie Woes

Hi All!

I've been working on making my first two novels available in hardcover through Amazon. I only just realized this was possible a few weeks ago. And let me tell you, it isn't a simple matter of just uploading the same file I used for the paperback and E-version. No, of course not! That file has too many pages for the size I'd chosen - imagine that.

So I chose the next size up, found a pre-formatted word file for that size and did a Copy/Paste from the current file to the new one. Annnnnd that simple change messed up the formatting. So I've been proofing and fixing The Farmer's Daughter for the past few days. One little change leads to another.

And another reason why I hate proofing and formatting is I get caught up in the story. Even though I've read through it a bazillion times, I'll see the words and go 'oh, I love this part...' I lose more time that way than any other.

But I have managed to finish the file for Farmer's. I have Amazon working on a physical proof copy for me even though I ALSO need a newer file for the book cover, I have the order put in for that as well but for the time being I have a temporary cover cobbled together through Amazon's 'Create a Cover' program.

I don't know that a hardcover version is actually needed, but the last three books I've managed to buy recently have been hardcover so I know there's still some kind of market for them even though they're more expensive. I love the convenience of Ebooks, but I also love the feel of either a hardcover or paperback in my hand.

I know, I know. I should be focusing on the 3rd book in the series. I swear though, my husband has some kind of radar that detects when I'm trying to work on anything related to my writing and for some reason he thinks that's a good time to need me to do something else. And it's never anything FUN. Never anything ROMANTIC. Always something else.

Like, 'have you researched health insurance yet?' or 'have you ordered a new camera for the security system?' He has NO idea that these are not simple tasks. Ugh. I know we need to so something for health insurance. The crap we have through work is NOT good. I just dropped over $200 at the drug store the other day, for 4 prescriptions. And I have more than 4 total prescriptions (I'm a hot mess, remember?)

At any rate, I'll be switching to The Ring of Fire files so I can do the same for it. Since Bigger than the Beetles is still 'not quite done' hopefully that won't be quite as frustrating.

Keeping it short and sweet for now.

Until next time, stay safe peeps.

Robin Janney

Life Without Dog

She's always by my side here.

My intention was to write about the last few weeks we had with our dog Jaclyn before we had to put her down. I've tried, I have a post mostly written. And I just can't finish it. Maybe I will someday and post it. I don't know yet. I just know that like in life, I need to start moving forward here on my blog just as I have been doing in my daily life.

And let me tell you, that has not been an easy process. Even almost 5 months later, there are days when the loss is as fresh as the morning dew.

The initial depression was almost crippling. I had no choice but to continue to get out of bed, out of the sleeper berth back then, and go to work. Sleeping was harder than usual. Breathing was harder than usual. Trying to write was harder than usual, especially given that one of my secondary characters is a dog. Okay, an angelic being in canine form, but still.

I even messaged my doctor asking about how long I should wait before I should be concerned about the depression. She told me not to be, really. That there is no set time limit to grieving and to grieve for my dog just as I would a human being. Which for me, is remembering her and talking about her.

Which honestly is easier in the privacy of my own home, because there are people out there who would be like 'get over it, it's just a dog'. But, she was MY dog. In so many ways, she was the center of my world. I had to get up because she had to be walked. Even out on the road, I walked her more than Mr. Janney. I had to budget in the price of her food, her bed, her toys. I had to be mindful of her water dish, her food dish, her bathroom needs, cleaning up after her if I didn't catch those bathroom needs in time. She was never very good at actually asking to go outside. Probably because I often just took her outside to go every so often, which was easier at home than on the road. But where ever, if she was asking to go out - her need was great and one of us had better be taking her out...NOW!!

You can see one of the things I have done to help myself remember her in the photo at the top of the post. I've set up a little area on my desk for her remains, a few of her toys, a picture I rotate out every so often from the photo album I've started putting together for her. I have a bazillion photos in digital form, and have started having them printed off a few at a time. I'll sit at my laptop with Google Photos open and flip through the album to see which ones I haven't gotten yet. It no longer hurts as much as it did in the beginning, and has become almost a joyful project. I'll look at some of the pictures and laugh aloud at the funny memory connected to it.

I almost retold the stories from my previous post! I'm glad I looked back and discovered this or you would have read about the time she was honking the rig horn again! Instead, I scrolled through Google Photos to find another story to tell.

It's not a long story, but the photo above shows a time when she was frantically pawing at the bottom of our hutch. I sat in my recliner, watching in amusement and wondering what she was doing. No doubt I even asked her. I don't know why I didn't get down and look, perhaps I was afraid it was a mouse she was after. But no, when Mr. Janney looked at a later time, it turned out her tennis ball had been lost underneath it! We hadn't been playing at the time, so I'm not sure how it got under there.

My photo album project has expanded to include photos of humans too. I put them in a separate album though. A recent picnic my family held inspired me to make sure I label my photos too. Who's in them and the like. I had asked my sister to find some older photos of our mother since the picnic was in her honor, celebrating her 75th birthday early and honoring what would have been her 50th wedding anniversary. Well, since she's never remarried I guess it IS her 50th wedding anniversary regardless of dad passing on back in 1995. Any way, the end result of my request was that entire photo albums were brought! And one of the remarks someone made that day was how not all the pictures were labeled, older black and white photos especially. I was so inspired by this that I went through an entire album I'd already put together of my wedding reception picnic and labeled the backsides of every single picture. That was a late night well spent!

It has also expanded to hanging photos I've taken around the house. I ordered this canvas print of Mt. Shasta without really knowing where I was going to hang it. We recently rearranged our bedroom due to a new bed and I found the spot to hang it. It looks a little lonely, but I'm not sure if I'm going to print off more of my mountain range pictures to hang around it or do random photos from out on the road.

It's just not enough for me to have the photos only on my phone anymore. I have this need to have more visible reminders of happier times. The photo of Mt Shasta in California was taken on a very windy day back in March from the rest area where I had decided to park to wait it out. It was so windy, that when I walked Jaclyn the force of the wind surprised her so much she staggered, and when walking back to the rig after doing her business those adorable ears of hers where blown straight back - I'm afraid if her ears had been any wider, she'd have take off! Even pictures she's not in include memories of her.

Alright, this post has gone on long enough. I have other things I need to get done today, though I promise to post again sooner rather than later. Until next time, stay safe and be well.

Writing Update

I did not get as much writing done during Christmas home time as I was expecting and planning. I'm bummed about it, but I couldn't help being too sick to do the things I wanted. It wasn't until almost New Years that I even got my laptop out of my backpack!

But I did manage to get some new words down after that, so it wasn't a complete failure. It's still frustrating though, because the book is done in outline form, I just need to write it out and good God it's been harder than I thought it was going to be. Writing out the outline was supposed to make it easier!!

Oh well. One thing at a time. At least the outline IS done, so it's only a matter of time before I'll be releasing book three. I have no real goal other than by the end of the year. Hopefully sooner rather than later, but there's no point in giving myself anxiety by picking any other unrealistic goal. Life is hard enough as it is! Life as a writer who is also a truck driver is also hard enough as it is!

I did release The Ring of Fire again, both for Kindle and paperback. I have added links to the side where you can find both my novels at Amazon. I'm still giddy about how nice the new cover for Ring of Fire turned out. It looks even more gorgeous on a physical paperback. I had a couple physical copies, but I mailed them out the intended recipients without taking a picture. Slacking, I know.

Valentine's day is coming up and I'm thinking of doing another paperback giveaway. I'll probably do the random number generator again and have people chose a number on my Facebook page. I don't know whether to offer Ring of Fire or give the winners a choice of which novel they'd want. I'm leaning toward the latter.

The outline...such as it is lol

One thing I should start doing is the outline for book 4. Some of it is already written since I ended splitting what was originally book 3. Of course, some of it is now...not right...as things have changed, but I'll deal with that as I go. I've already had to cut things I had written for the book 3, Bigger than the Beetles. I was telling Mr. Janney about how I was cutting stuff and saving it in a separate file in case there was something I was going to want to include in an different spot with a new twist. He found that amusing, for reasons I don't understand. But then, he is a man who isn't a reader so I should probably just be grateful that he's willing to listen when I talk about my writing.

I have very few people I can talk to about writing. Some of that is due to my job. It's not the most conducive for maintaining any kind of friendships. Today's technology and social media platforms help, but there's an element of isolation just the same. People are afraid to call me on my cell because they don't want to bother me when I'm driving, but they don't understand that there are times I need that human contact while driving because it helps me fight fatigue. Even if I've had decent sleep, driving in the wee hours can be hard. Especially in the winter when there's so much darkness...ugh, I can't wait for the days to start getting longer. I'm usually okay once the sun comes up, but that's not even a guarantee if I'm on the west coast.

Mr. Janney and I do 12 hours shifts and we stick to Eastern time to maintain some kind of schedule. And on the west coast, than can cause some confusion...I get more dark hours and Mr. Janney gets more daylight. It's also hard, because most of my friends and family live on the east coast, so they wouldn't appreciate a phone call at 4am just because I'm feeling drowsy. I usually take a break when that happens, take a walk into truck stop or a rest area even if I don't have to use the facilities, get little snack or drink.

My favorite pic of Mt Shasta
because of the bird flying through

But I do get to see all sorts of beautiful scenery, once the sun comes up, so there's that. Nothing against the beauty of the mountains I live in, but I love the views in the western states. I love driving up the middle of California and seeing Mt. Shasta growing in the distance. I love driving along the Columbian river in between Oregon and Washington. I love driving along 90 in Wisconsin and Minnesota. I love Arizona and New Mexico; I have yet to get a picture of Saguaro cacti. I got way too excited the first time I saw a Saguaro. I do not like the high bridges and overpasses in any state, but I10 in Louisiana has some doozies, which I couldn't take pictures of because I was driving. We're going to be experimenting with a GoPro for a dash cam, because the ones we've tried so far have not been performing as expected. Maybe I'll be able to get some more scenery shots that way. One can only hope!

Until next time, stay safe!

Much Ado About Nothing

My husband's latest project

As I was talking with my mom about my dishwashing post, I told her how I would never blog about one thing. Politics.

January was a rough start to the new year, and while I commented on tweets and Facebooks posts, this blog will never cover my thoughts and opinions about politics and global events. I know that it's always danger to say 'never' but I'm feeling pretty confident about it.

I want this blog to be about my writing, my adventures in truck driving, reading materials, mental health issues, and every day normal things. Like how I like to binge watch old tv series rather than watch new ones. There's a few exceptions to that, like Cobra Kai and Stranger Things.

On the bright side, Stranger Things is going to have one more season. That show took me by surprise. I had no idea what it was about, just that it was popular. I began watching it and almost stopped because it was scaring the crap out of me. I don't normally like horror and scary shows.

Robert Downey Jr is my one of my favorites.
So is Halle Berry

There are some movies I refuse to watch after the sun goes down. Mr. Janney and I once watched Gothika before bed and let me tell you, I had a heck of a time falling asleep and when I did, Halle Berry's screams followed me into my dreams. It's not that I didn't like the movie, I mean, hey - it has Robert Downey JR in it. I just have an overactive impressionable imagination that gets me into trouble sometimes.

Back to Stranger Things Even though it was suspenseful, I couldn't stop watching because I had to know what happened next. I guess that means it's a well-written and well-acted show. From what I've read online, the next season has been pushed back because of the good ole pandemic. Just like so many other things. August 2021 is the rumored release date, and it's sooooooo far away.

Cobra Kai never dies

And Cobra Kai. What can I say there? Karate Kid and his rival Johnny Lawrence at their best. With the flashbacks to the original movie, and the attention to detail, it's a wonderful nostalgic trip down memory lane. It alone is worth the Netflix subscription!

Mr. Janney found himself in need of a new television recently. His television was the unfortunate victim of temper during a particularly intense gaming session. So when he ordered a new one, he decided that he was going to need a bigger entertainment center. Him being him, he decided to just build one.

The job is done - just waiting on the new tv

I shared the beginning of his project up above. He does do some prep work, math and all that. As usual though, he never does enough so he had to go back to Lowes at least once. I think this project he had to go back twice. It no longer bothers me, it's just how he is. He's built me a new desk, a kitchen table, a desk for himself, a spice rack and each and every time we've had to make return trips to Lowes to finish the project. I help as needed, usually holding some piece while he saws or drills. I wasn't much help this time around as I was still weak from whatever illness I had.

Here's the finished project with the new tv. It's not quite big enough to fill the whole spot, but I guess it's room to grow someday if he decides to upgrade again.

This post certainly has jumped around! I do that sometimes. If there's ever something you'd like me to write about, just let me know. I'll try to remained focused, but make no promises.

Man, I don't know what it is, but I've been having a ton of formatting issues when writing these posts. Not sure if I'm doing something wrong when I'm adding the pics, or if I should wait until I'm done writing to change the font. I don't know, I'll figure it out eventually.

Until next time, stay safe!

Hurry Up and Wait

It doesn't matter what job I've work at, "Hurry up and wait..." has been a recurring theme.

Rush to meet the deadline of one kind or another, only to stand around waiting for the other shoe to drop - for the last page of the newspaper to arrive, for the cow line to get moving again, for the rush order cabinet door to be made and put through the final process of sanding. And now, we 'rush' to get the deliveries made on time all week while I try to learn the ins and outs of real life trucking, only to find myself twiddling my thumbs on the weekends.

Hela vs the Valkyries needs to be a movie of its own...

You'd think I'd welcome this "free time". I could use it to write or read. Work on either Bigger than the Beetles, the third book in my series, or on a blog post. Even blog ahead if I was smart. Instead, I sit here at my laptop binge watching old episodes of Deep Space 9. Okay, I also watched Ant-Man and the Wasp as well as Thor Ragnarok (the best Thor movie and in the top 5 for the Marvel movies in general in my opinion). Right now I have A Solo Story lined up to watch next, once I'm done cooking. But then I'll go back to Deep Space 9...although the more I watch the Harry Potter movie on the tv, the more I'm tempted to just keep watching that! It's early yet and I won't be going back to work until sometime tomorrow, so maybe I'll manage all of it!

I'm struggling with depression this weekend, with a smattering of anxiety. Some of it stems from the bit of the squabble I had with my trainer shortly before week's end. Some of it stems from being in a strange place all by myself. Granted, I'm in the same nice hotel I was last weekend, so it's not as strange as it was. I managed to go to Walmart today without panicking, and that's always a plus. I have 232 training hours left before I can join my husband and we can bring our dog along, thus reducing my anxiety and depression, and it seems unbearably long at this moment.

missing my girl :(

I did put in a call to the company's Student department, and we're going to see if we can fix the schism between me and my trainer. There was so little communication between she and I on Friday, that I don't know whether it can be fixed. It all boils down to poor communication in the first place. We shall see.

Just one more hiccup in this journey we call life. I know that I'll get through this and come out for the better. No doubt I'll use it for the characters in my stories. I just need to get through the worse part of this momentary bout the blues before I can channel it into their angst. I hate this part of my depression - I can never write when I'm in this certain spot. Pisses me off because writing makes me happy. I've never understood this quirk.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day, whether you're celebrating Easter or Passover or neither.

Ready...Set....

Waiting on the GO!

If all goes as planned - which has seldom happened this past year - I should be meeting my company driving trainer late tomorrow afternoon.

I'm excited and nervous all over again.

All over again because the last time I was assigned a trainer, last week, turned out to be a false alarm. Not sure if it was a lack of communication (on others' part, not mine) or just bad timing. Especially since the initial phone number I was given turned out to be a wrong number! Regardless, it's over and done with and I was assigned a new trainer yesterday. And this time the number was the right one!

This trainer sounds as nice as the first one, so I'm optimistic again. It's hard forming an opinion of someone based on how they sound on the phone. Honestly, she sounds like a little old granny to me, so I think she sounds nice.

Isn't she adorable?

I've been trying to keep myself busy as I've been waiting. We aren't allowed to check out of the hotel, so I'm feeling the miles between me and my doggy right now. I know she's being taken good care of, I get the occasional picture, but it's hard when I hear reports of her not eating well. There's nothing I can do for her except get through my training as soon as I can without cheating myself out of learning time.

My trainer runs a dedicated route, so I won't be getting out of the east coast. Which kind of bums me, but once I can join Mr. Janney on his truck that will change so there's that much. If I understood my trainer correctly, I'll probably be in a motel room at least one day a week on the weekend. It is what it is. As long as I get trained correctly.

To keep myself entertained while I wait, I've read two books and watched a lot of Ion and USA when I haven't been doing one thing or another at the Terminal. I've been through the simulator and let me tell you it sucked - the motion of the screens as I pretended to drive around a virtual rig made me dizzy because I wasn't actually moving. I'd rather play GTA any day, and I hate GTA.

I've tried writing on Book 3. It's been hard because I've been battling depression and anxiety over the entire trainer issue from last week. I have made progress, but there has been more than one night I've opened the file only to add one word here and there before calling it good. Of course, right now I've got the excited anxiety going on so I might not be able to write much tonight because I'm too high strung with hope.

Hopefully I'll be able to check in later this weekend. Have a good week all.

Daffodils outside the hotel 

The Latest Update

Finally able to buzz my hair!

I think one of the hardest things about writing blog posts is coming up with a good enough title. I'd rather title a poem or a book. Those are almost easier...a few words to sum up a whole novel or poem theme. Blog titles need to be catchy and there's nothing catchy about 'The Latest Update' but that's exactly what this is!

So, I made it through orientation. My blood sugar behaved well enough to be passable that first day for the physical. I'm not sure why it hopped up from 105 to 170 after breakfast, especially since all I had was coffee and cheesy eggs...AND I even remembered to take my meds that morning! I don't know, but I've had much better readings than what I had during the first part of the month, so the changes I've made are working and I need to keep with them.

They are letting me try again even though my A1C (the 3 month average test) was on the too high side - up to an 8.5!! And they're giving me 3 months to bring it down to 7.9 or better. If I keep eating the way I am - low carb - and do my best to stay active even during training (which may prove difficult, but we'll see), bringing that number down will be the easy part. KEEPING it that way will be the harder part.

Especially since Mr. Janney doesn't have the same dietary restrictions I do. It's very hard to watch him eat something like mashed potatoes when it's something I should stay away from. He is very supportive though and I know that once we're in our own rig as a team, things will be a tad easier.

Speaking of which, it's to the right. I have ridden in it, and it's a smooth enough ride even though Mr. Janney is far from impressed with it. But it is new and still needs to be broken in so maybe it'll get better.

Mr. Janney was in the general neighborhood when I began my orientation this week and he was able to get a load even closer so he could take a few days to visit with me. It was so nice! The last we'd seen each other was on Valentine's weekend when I drove out to Michigan to visit him while his trainer was on vacation. We were only able to get a room one night, so the other night we had to sleep in his rig if we wanted to be together. That was fun, since the bed is technically only meant for one person, but we managed.

So here I sit in the hotel room, waiting for a trainer to become available. I have to report in to the terminal every morning during the week until I'm assigned a trainer and can take off with them. If I stick with my desire to have a female trainer, I may be here for a while. It's not an easy decision to make, because I'm going to feel weird even with a female so I can't imagine how awkward it would be with a male. Especially if whichever trainer I end up with sticks me in the top bunk, as is their right. I climbed up into the top bunks of 'our' rig, just to see if I could do it. It's not pretty, just like my 90 degree backing maneuver, but I can do it.

I get paid either way, so there's that much. I either take walks on the treadmill, or around the hotel building. There is a shuttle van available, between here and the terminal and other places like Walmart and the laundromat (tomorrow's agenda). I spent most of yesterday trying to fix my smartphone. Not sure what changed all of a sudden, but I was getting pop ads outside of apps. Not cool. I can't be having that happen when I'm out on the road because the phone is needed to do the job. I tried restarting the phone, deleting apps, restarting again. Then I decided to do a factory reset, and things were okay for a while...but then they started happening again.

So when one was playing, I saw an Info button and I hit it to see what I'd get. One of the options was 'Why am I seeing this ad?' DO TELL! So yeah, the answer was - "Facebook". Really? So I disabled the app on my phone...the closest I could get to uninstalling it. And haven't had an ad pop up since.

Doing what I do best - waiting!

Look Facebook, I have no problems with ads when I'm on Facebook. But as soon as I close that app - the ads should stop!! I can't be having random videos playing telling me I'll lose my reward if I shut it down while I'm trying to do business and math, because dammit - math is hard enough!

Rant over. I'll probably finish my even either by working on book three or reading or binge watching 'Blue Bloods'...or, knowing me, all three. With the A/C on because it was in the 70's today and my room is still a little warm! My roommate already got her trainer, so I have the room to myself, for the time being. It'll probably change tomorrow or as soon as another female employee gets a trainer.

Stay safe everyone! I'll do my best to check in once in a while.

The Post You've Been Waiting For

A pic that isn't a selfie!! 

So, if you haven't heard yet, I finally passed my CDL road test. I just pretended that the examiner was my phone GPS, which I talk to all the time anyway. It couldn't have been a nice day in terms of weather and road conditions, which was kind of amazing since it stormed the night before.

And now the waiting is over...or just beginning depending on how you look at it.

Tomorrow is my first day of Orientation, followed by a second. And then, I'll have to wait to be assigned a trainer and then for the trainer to pick me up from the hotel here in Allentown. So far, between Mr. Janney's and my new roommate's experiences, it should be about a week. Ish.

And then we'll be running the roads. Going by their experiences, it'll be about 6 weeks after that before I'll be considered trained enough to join my husband in our rig.

The irony in my current location for orientation, is that this town is where I tried going to college many moons ago. Just one bump in the road back then, but I think it's all worked out for the best. I'm probably about a fifteen minute drive from the college, but I don't think I'll give it a visit. It wasn't a wasted experience by any means, even if I didn't complete a degree. Came out with some pretty awesome friends.

I am excited and nervous about this new start. So much so I had trouble sleeping last night! I don't think I'll have too much trouble with that tonight. I'm exhausted. (I say that now lol)

Mr. Janney is enjoying himself as he goes through his own training, so we're both pretty optimistic that this venture is going to be successful. He's presently in Texas headed to L.A. before heading back to Pittsburgh. It'll be quite the temperature change.

For now, I'm going to sign off and think about winding down for the night. Maybe write a few sentences in my story.

Stay safe everyone/

Waiting on the Weather

That blue dot is me! lol

Remember those days in our youth when snow days were fun? We didn't have to get up early, or if we did we got to go back to bed. Either way, we didn't have to go to school and we got to play in knee deep snow. (we have pictures of me as a young teen with snow above my knees - somewhere)

It's not so much fun when you're an adult and your road tests depends on the weather. As of right now my next retest is scheduled for 11 tomorrow morning...and there is a wintry storm beginning even as I type this. I've emailed briefly with the school's directer and he's told me all the variables that he's taking into consideration regarding tomorrow's test. Right now, it's a waiting game.

Judging from the radar and what they're predicting, I think the odds of my test being rescheduled are on the high side. On one hand, I want us all to be safe - and if DOT shuts the roads down or imposes a Commercial Vehicle ban it'll be out of our hands anyway. On the other hand, I had a pretty good road drive yesterday with more good shifts and turns than bad. AND I'm still overflowing with confidence because of my solo road trip to Michigan and back again.

Mr. Janney had a few days off because his trainer did, and because the trainer lives in Michigan and is taking his days off there, that's where hubby's days off are. Over 500 miles one way and I did it all by myself.

I know that might sound strange from someone who is working on getting her CDL and becoming an over the road trucker. No doubt some of my troubles passing my road test stems from a lack of self confidence. I've always had a lack of confidence in myself, and this trip was a definite boost in that area. I was somewhat familiar with the first leg of the journey as it's the same way we took to visit my cousins in Indiana a few years ago. And 86 through NY is almost desolate for large stretches of the highway. It got interesting when the highways took me through Cleveland, Toledo, and Detroit. I just turned my music off so I could concentrate on the traffic and road signs, which my map GPS usually warned me about with enough advanced warning to move to the left or the right.

Which is when I got an idea on how to overcome my nerves with the road test examiner. I decided I was just going to pretend he's my GPS. I talk to her all the time traveling, saying 'thank you' and 'It would have been nice to know about that a mile ago' even though she's pre-programmed and can't respond. One of the things we have to do during a road test, is to give a hazard commentary. We have to call out hazards we see...or potential hazards. Things like speed limits and bridge heights.

I did run into some mild wintry weather on the way back from Michigan. Snow mixing with sunshine outside and through Cleveland. It was pretty and a  bit mesmerizing to see the high rise buildings through the bright snow. I wish I could have taken a picture of it. But since I was the one driving, I did my best to drink it in. Of course, here at home I can just stick my head out my door and take a picture of the falling snow. Each area has it's own beauty. I enjoy the country as much as the city. Of course, if you know me at all, you know I prefer the beach over both...especially over snow.

On 86, there was more steady snowfall with a bit sticking to the road. Not a lot, but enough I cut my speed. And felt like I was in danger of being hypnotized by the snow. Which was sometimes illuminated by the full moon. Which was even cooler than snow and sunshine. The night almost seemed to glow around me as I drove. I was talking with Mr. Janney on this leg of the trip and it was nice to have that company. I'm so glad we had a large enough tax refund to buy him a cellphone for his job. I know I could have spent that money on needed bills, but he is reaching the part of his training where the cellphone was going to be a necessity.

I'm going to wrap this up now. I have to get on top of the things I need to do today before the day is over and this blog post is my only achievement. It would be so easy to just binge watch Blue Blood reruns, or pop in the latest DVR recording of I Am the Night and just waste the day away, but I'm going to save that delight for later. And I really do have a few chores I need to knock out of the way before I get back to writing Book 3!

You know me, I'll keep everyone updated on the status of the test.

Have a great day everyone! Stay safe!

Do - or Do Not...Try, Try again?

Wait - I thought only Sith believed in absolutes?!?!

Not the most catchy of titles I guess, so it may change. We'll see.

I put off posting because I was hoping to post how I had passed my CDL road test and would be starting my training next week. Sadly, I didn't pass.

Again.

This is failure number four. I keep making different mistakes, so there's that much I guess. It's not like I'm not learning from them. And I no longer know if the failings are justified or if the examiner is being too picky like my teacher claim. Even my husband has suggested that the examiner is just looking for a reason to fail me because of my gender. I mean, how can I impede traffic on a double lane when my tractor is only just breaking the white line?

Because that's what failed me this time. I was demonstrating the emergency stop and failed to put my shifting splitter down so that when I tried moving again, my gear was too high and I stalled my rig. And because that front corner had begun to breach the lane, I was "impeding traffic" which is an automatic failure. Even though I was reentering a double lane highway, and there was nothing approaching in my lane anyway - otherwise I wouldn't have tried moving) but...I did neglect to double-check my splitter, so ... Mr. Too-Picky or not, it's still my own fault right?

I am really struggling with this. There are so many people who have faith in me, whether it is the teachers who've ridden with me (I've NEVER stalled the rig before...) or my own husband who's waiting for me to pass so I can join him in driving. I'm terrified they're going to lose faith in me.

Mostly because I'm losing faith in myself. Even though I know I can safely drive a rig. I mean, I've done it so many times. For whatever reason, I can't seem to stop messing up during the exam. And I've even tried building a rapport with this examiner - who's tested me three different times now - in hopes that I can stop being nervous with him. I mean, he seems like a nice enough guy. He just wields the pen that determines my job and financial future - so, yeah, no pressure.

Maybe I need to wear my tiara to my next test
to channel my inner goddess? Fans of Lore Olympus
will understand that context best ;)

I know this mood will pass, that I'll dust myself off and try again. No matter what Yoda says - there has to be room for failure when you're learning new things, because like Nick said when he was still a teacher at the school, you learn from your failures. So I'm sitting here at my laptop, the third installment of my series open and ready to be worked on, listening to Imagine Dragons because they always sheer me up. Maybe eating some crappy sugar free chocolate. Thinking about making pot roast.

I haven't heard from the school today, so I'm going to guess they weren't able to squeeze me into the test schedule tomorrow. I knew it would take the planets aligning just right for that to happen, so I'm not too surprised. There's probably more cons than pros about that, I mean every extra day I'm not behind the wheel practicing the skills I've learned allows those skills to get rusty. Which increases my chance of failing once again.

How many failures can my spirit take? I'm already thinking about asking Mr. Janney how upset he'd be if I just call it quits. I'm not going to quit, but the thought is there. What happens if I fail two more times? Do I get another extension for my permit and keep on trying? Do I accept defeat and just ride along as a passenger with him once he's released from training? There are other things I could do to earn money while riding along.

But - for all the people I know who have faith in me, I know there are those who don't think I can do this. And that has always been a catalyst for me. I have to prove them wrong. I've done it at the last three jobs I've worked, and even in the relationship that's lasted over ten years now.

So, as I said, today's mood will pass and I know I'll keep tying. The last I talked with Mr. Janney, he and his trainer were waiting on a load to be finished somewhere outside of Chicago so they could take it to Columbus, Ohio. So far, he has been in Nebraska, Texas, Mississippi, and Wisconsin. And all the states in between! He says they mostly take toll roads, which makes sense.

Alrighty then. I'll wrap up this pity party and start getting back on track. I'll leave you with this delightful Imagine Dragons video:

Adventures in Sleep Apnea

As many of you know, I've been working on getting my Commercial Driver's License. Mr. Janney has already obtained his and starts his new job on Monday. Because I've had difficulties passing my road test, I had to file for an extension. Minor technicalities.

One requirement to even get a CDL permit, is a DOT physical. Because I met enough requirements for sleep apnea, I had/have six months to get tested and if diagnosed with it to get treatment. Once I got our medical coverage reinstated, I was able to get tested fairly quickly. The diagnosis was positive, I have 'mild sleep apnea'. My mother asked if that was like being 'borderline diabetic' to which I answered, 'probably'.

Many of the symptoms I live with could be attributed to my underactive thyroid. But since the sleep study said I have it, if I want to get my CDL then I had to get a C-PAP machine and use it at leat 70% of the time. So, once again, after I got my medical assistance straightened out, I had the new machine pretty quickly. I picked it up yesterday afternoon and began using it last night.

It's going to take some getting used to. It wasn't so much the air being pushed into my nose, but the mask itself. It just felt - funny. I'll give it a few more nights to see if it's something I can get used to or if I need to change masks. Mr. Janney wanted to know how I'd slept...'ok, I guess. I still woke up a few times.  I dreamt a lot...' He just laughed at that. And then laughed harder as I described some of the weirdness I'd dreamt.

sounds a bit Darth Vader-ish

He said he woke up once himself and couldn't get back to sleep because of the noise of either the machine or my breathing. The few times I woke up, it felt like my nose had slipped out of where it was supposed to be because I had air blowing straight up in my eyes.  So tonight when I go to put my astronaut mask on, I'll see if the straps needs tweaking. Like hubby reminded me, I don't want to get it too tight because that'll make the nose bone hurt and who wants that to happen??

The kind lady at Med Depot who set me up with everything, looked at my face to determine mask size - and tilted her head and said, "Everything's perfect." No one has ever looked at my face and said that before! It was a bit of an ego boost, even though it's just for a face mask fitting.

I'm only going to post this here, because my co-blogger on Broads was able to post over there again. If she continues, I will strive to make separate blog posts again. Until I can pass my road test and I head out on the road too...but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I'm signing off now, because I'm thirsty and need to get back to my edits. Everyone have a great day!

The Road Goes Ever On and On...

And sometimes there's road construction, detours, and unexplained delays!

Well, the good news first! Mr. Janney has successfully passed his CDL road test. The bad news to that is: I didn't and I have to start the process over! He gets to "Pass Go and collect $200" and I don't! Such is life, I guess.

I am disappointed in myself for failing, because I know this is something I can do. All my instructors at school agree with me. Some of it has been nerves, and some of this last failure is because I was just out of practice driving the big rig. I wasn't able to afford a refresher drive before this last test. Even though I drove part of the way down to the test sight, it just wasn't enough. But part of the reason why we fail is so we can learn from our mistakes.

But I am tickled pink that Mr. Janney has passed! I'm proud of him. This was his idea in the first place, something we'd talked about on and off for a while. We tried a year ago to apply to a truck driving school, but it didn't work out. By then the die was cast because he'd already quit his job. So we fell to Plan B. We'd continue as is until my surgeries were out of the way and try again. One thing led to another which in turn led us to the school we attended together and a job together.

Obviously, we won't be starting at the same time. But we were both talking with the recruiter last night and it won't be a problem. Mr. Janney will be through his training and running solo until I can join him, simple as that. It's not what we had planned, not even for Plan B...but sometimes in life you have to go through the entire alphabet to find what works! You just have to keep trying and not give up.

Easier said than done sometimes, I know. You know I know.

I'm a little anxious, but then I'd have been that way even if I'd passed and we were starting at the same time! I'll just use the late start to my part of the adventure to wind up my editing and reworking of my first two novels and continue to work book three. I know it's been forever for my fans, but it was the decision to make these changes which unlocked my writer's block and enabled me to work on book three again.

Though I can't see what's beyond the curve,
 I know the best thing is to keep on going.

As anxious as I am, I'm also excited. Because even though it's just one of us who's passed, we're still in this together. We're one step closer than we were before. I will take you all on this life's trip as much as possible. It's what I do, and why I have no problem posting about my failure and down times online. You get the good, the bad and everything in-between when I write here. Any silences are when I'm trying to process the bad and the down times...the only thing I can do. I hope you'll all stay with me on this journey.

Until next time, much love.