Third Time's the Charm?

Crossing the Mississippi River into St. Louis. No longer in the rig, so I wasn't
in violation of any rules. I got to be a tourist for a few minutes!

If you've been following the drama that is me trying to learn how to drive a rig and team with my husband, then you know I've run into a few issues with finding a good trainer. Friday afternoon I was picked up by my third, and...I'm pretty hopeful about this guy.

For starters, he has thirteen years experience. And he reminds me a little bit of the psychiatrist in charge of me back in '94 - he doesn't understand why I had trouble with the last trainer. The doctor back in '94 outright told me, 'I don't know why you're here.' Calling into question not only the college staff who insisted on my hospitalization and the emergency room admittance personnel. But that's another story and much water under the bridge.

Leaving out many of the details, per orders not to talk too much about it, I just said that my last trainer's biggest complaint about my driving was lane maintenance. He watched me drive for a while, then said he saw no problem with my lane maintenance. Well, he said a few other things that I might talk about another time.

It's an easy enough run that I'll be doing...from the drop yard in St. Louis to the one in Indianapolis and back again. And I'll get to back up twice a day, once in each drop yard. Backing has always been my weakness, and he seemed patient enough the first time. I definitely need to learn to control my speed during the backing up process - even letting the rig go backwards under its own power (no throttle) it still can go too fast. But that's where practice makes perfect.

That moment when you realize
your mom gets you

Depending on how you look at it, I was lucky to get this weekend off. Usually he runs seven days a week. The weekend hours are different, which is going to mess with my head. Well, time is already messing with my head since I'm in a different time zone than usual. Does that mean I'll be time traveling every day???

I'm still giddy that I'm on the other side of the Mississippi River! For many, the Mississippi is a demarcation line similar to the Mason Dixon line...you're not really in the west until you're across the Mississippi.

I'm just across it, but I'm across it just the same. And actually, I'm on the other side of the Missouri River too. My home for the next few weeks is in St. Clair, Missouri. I'll pick my trainer up each morning, go to the drop yard in East St. Louis. I'll get to see the St. Louis Gateway arch at a distance every freakin' day! I'm not sure how long I'll be here, I have just over 200 training hours left. I'm guessing about two weeks. Ish. I hope to be able to get better pictures before I'm out of this area. I did get one of the Gateway Arch from the drop yard (featured below). I'll have to ask my trainer if he minds if I use his car to run out to a nearby park for photos. I don't want to assume anything.

I've always wanted to travel, even if it's always intimidated me a little. While Mr. Janney and I will be limited to what we can do driving a big rig, this is a step in the right direction. I might not always be able to get pictures, but there will definitely be memories made. Hubby's already told me how often he thought of me while he was training: "Yup, if Robin was here, she'd be taking pictures." Mountains and clouds...yeah, I'm a goofball who likes to take pictures of clouds, and my husband knows that. Clouds, the moon, flowers, sunsets...random seed puffs floating in the air. He has pulled over a time or two to indulge my desire to photograph something!

Not the greatest pic of the Arch, but...it's there just the same!

This post is jumping around a little bit, and I apologize. Just proof of how confident and excited I'm feeling at the moment. Another difficulty of being me, I can swing from one extreme to the other with little notice. Although in this case, it happened over the few days it took Mr Janney and I to get to where we needed to be for me to be picked up by my trainer. I will be forever grateful to our company for allowing us to do that and to the trainer for waiting for me. He didn't have to.

The trip west was one of the most relaxing I've had since this journey began. Not just my time with my husband, but even when I was driving the rig. I just had very little anxiety. Even during the heavy traffic we dealt with, because again - my trainer had no problem with my driving through it. He approved of the distance I was keeping, the speed I was going. He helped here and there as needed, shaking his head as I told him the previous criticisms I'd received.

Here's hoping the anxiety stays this low level through the rest of our time together!

Have a good weekend all...and here's a final picture for you.

Sunset as we crossed the Mississippi!

The Difficulties of Being Me

Not feeling like smiling, and don't you dare tell me to!!

Depression is weighing heavily on me today, so much so that I'm not going to publish this post on Sunday because I don't want to bring anyone else down on Mother's Day. I'll let it go live Monday.

So much inside of me wants to call it quits. Not life...the truck driving. Not the actual driving...I like that part. It's just that I have had to deal with so much BS from the two trainers I've been assigned, that I'm seriously questioning my sanity.

Yes, two trainers. And I'm not through training yet, so I'll have to deal with a third.

The first separation was a failure to communicate, on all parties all the way around - myself included. She was giving me the same instruction over and over again in an empty Walmart parking lot and refused to clarify when I asked for clearer instruction - I even gave her examples of what I was looking for. She was most likely just over-tired, but she was not budging on the instructions, so I behaved very passive-aggressively which only made matters worse. It was enough to prompt her to kick me out of the driver's seat and tell me I was done.

Done? Done how? It sounded final. Especially since she didn't let me drive at all the next morning...she didn't even ask me if I wanted to use the restroom before she took off for the day! This was a dedicated route which meant I had weekends off, and once I was deposited in the hotel I called the student department. I was advised to take the weekend to de-stress and think things over, to try and work it out with the trainer on Monday. Which I did. But somebody somewhere, I'm not sure who, decided to end the assignment and I found myself back at the Allentown Terminal on Tuesday.

Maybe she had talked to someone as well? Don't know, it's over and done. There was no point in asking anyone higher up to change their minds, because she had already been assigned a new student before I was ever told my assignment with her had ended.

I waited in the hotel/Terminal for almost two weeks before I was assigned a new trainer. It's hard for this company to get female drivers trained because there are more of us waiting to be trained than there are qualified trainers. Not every female trainer is willing to train another female, and not all male trainers have done the necessary steps to be a co-ed trainer.

It happened very fast. I didn't even get the notification in my app, she just called me. Ever doubtful, I called the Terminal and verified it with them. They explained the situation and I packed my crap together as quickly as possible. Even though I sent much back home with my sister, I still have 'too much' stuff - it's not my fault that I have to cart around a C-Pap machine and medicines and pillows and...I can't weed anything else out!

Anyway, it started out pleasant enough. There were a few red flags, but presented with the opportunity to be through training in two weeks I decided to "grin and bear it". I will not go into everything that happened, but I'm 99% certain I was gaslighted. I know I'm not perfect and can get snappy when I'm tired, but I had every right to react the way I did to the things she did to me the last day with her as my trainer...not counting the trip back to the Terminal, which held its own set of psychological abuse.

Hoping this wasn't all for nothing...

I am blessed with a good support system, but I am so far removed from them all that I feel isolated and abandoned. Even knowing that I am neither of those things. My husband is encouraging and supportive, as is my mother. One of the men responsible for my training at the school we attended continues to be a calm voice in my present turmoil, even though he's no longer required to be.

The last I talked with my husband, when he called me just after midnight to get tech support for wi-fi at the truck stop he was at, he was in Indiana. In actual time, it's been perhaps two weeks since I've seen him. In my present emotional state, it feels like a lifetime. We have a normal relationship - we love each other, fight with each other, annoy each other, disappoint each other, and still wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Even when he calls at midnight, waking me from a pretty solid sleep and Iron Man dream, taking his frustrations out on me - he then reminds me why I love him by apologizing and sending me back to bed. This work separation is trying for  both of us and we're ready for it to be over.

I do not know what Monday holds for me at the Terminal, and I'm somewhat dreading it. I've been made out to be the malcontent in this event, and somehow I have to convince them I'm not. That I wasn't. But no matter what, I'll face it like an adult and do my best to go with the flow.

And I'm not going to give up, no matter how I feel right now. I have fought too hard to get this far to give up now. Did I struggle getting my license? Yes, but I learned from every one of those mistakes and didn't make them again. I've been learning new things every step of the way. I'm stronger than the emotions of this moment.

Whatever it takes.

just in case you didn't get the reference... ;)

And We're Off - Sort of

I have started my training for the company...sort of. My trainer is on a dedicated route, and doesn't run on the weekends. Which means I've only been training for like two and a half days (was picked up late Wednesday afternoon and drove back)...and I'm already back in a hotel.

It's just for the weekend. Trainer will be calling my Sunday to let me know when I'll be picked up again (either Sunday night or Monday morning I think.) It'll be a day later next weekend because of the holiday (the store we deliver to will be closed on Sunday). It will make it harder to get my training hours, which is sucky - but on the flip side even after a couple days, I was ready for a break from the top bunk (pictured). Talk about anxiety triggering claustrophobia. I haven't had a true 'attack' but I'll be damned if I can sleep longer than a couple hours at a time.

So I slept late today and am just taking it easy for the moment. Watching Men in Back II and catching up on Clash of Clans and...I might even write later today. I am so much more comfortable in this little hotel room than I was in the one they had us in during Orientation and training. It's like a little apartment, even has a kitchen! A full size fridge and a little stove, even a dishwasher! Not that I'm probably going to use any of it. But it's nice to know that it's there if I wanted to. I might go out to Walmart later today...I need to get some allergy medicine too - my sinuses are killing me.

Training begins in earnest on Monday. I hope. A little nervous about backing in the real world, especially since my trainer has already proven to be a little impatient when it comes to back. I tried at the one store, she ended up getting in and finishing it herself. The store  employees opening the dock doors made her feel rushed I think. Well, next week is a new week. Maybe I'll have to tell her what I told the one instructor at school...just leave me alone and let me figure it out on my own, I'll ask for help if I need it. I know what I have to do, I just sometimes get my angles backwards. It doesn't help that none of the real world situations have looked "text book" but I think I should be able to figure it out...eventually.

I snapped a selfie while I was Off Duty in the passenger seat...

I did make myself proud yesterday on the drive back from Philly. Across the top of a double-deck bridge, and through a tunnel. Two things that I don't like. But I did it, without flinching. I said to my trainer after we were off the bridge, "Is now a good time to say I'm terrified of heights?" She was surprised, said she hadn't been able to tell from how I handled the bridge...and later said she hadn't warned me about the tunnel coming up to see how I would handle that since it made sense to her that if I was afraid of heights I'd also be bothered by the tunnel. It wasn't a surprise, because I had been reading the signs for a while...but I also didn't ask if we'd be going through it because I was afraid the answer was going to be yes! Silly, I know. But she says I handled the tunnel well too. I did the only thing there was to do...just drove on. Focused on the task at hand.

Which is all I can do right now. Focus on learning what I need to so I can become a 'qualified' driver and get teamed with Mr. Janney. One thing at a time!

Until next weekend, be safe out there.

Ready...Set....

Waiting on the GO!

If all goes as planned - which has seldom happened this past year - I should be meeting my company driving trainer late tomorrow afternoon.

I'm excited and nervous all over again.

All over again because the last time I was assigned a trainer, last week, turned out to be a false alarm. Not sure if it was a lack of communication (on others' part, not mine) or just bad timing. Especially since the initial phone number I was given turned out to be a wrong number! Regardless, it's over and done with and I was assigned a new trainer yesterday. And this time the number was the right one!

This trainer sounds as nice as the first one, so I'm optimistic again. It's hard forming an opinion of someone based on how they sound on the phone. Honestly, she sounds like a little old granny to me, so I think she sounds nice.

Isn't she adorable?

I've been trying to keep myself busy as I've been waiting. We aren't allowed to check out of the hotel, so I'm feeling the miles between me and my doggy right now. I know she's being taken good care of, I get the occasional picture, but it's hard when I hear reports of her not eating well. There's nothing I can do for her except get through my training as soon as I can without cheating myself out of learning time.

My trainer runs a dedicated route, so I won't be getting out of the east coast. Which kind of bums me, but once I can join Mr. Janney on his truck that will change so there's that much. If I understood my trainer correctly, I'll probably be in a motel room at least one day a week on the weekend. It is what it is. As long as I get trained correctly.

To keep myself entertained while I wait, I've read two books and watched a lot of Ion and USA when I haven't been doing one thing or another at the Terminal. I've been through the simulator and let me tell you it sucked - the motion of the screens as I pretended to drive around a virtual rig made me dizzy because I wasn't actually moving. I'd rather play GTA any day, and I hate GTA.

I've tried writing on Book 3. It's been hard because I've been battling depression and anxiety over the entire trainer issue from last week. I have made progress, but there has been more than one night I've opened the file only to add one word here and there before calling it good. Of course, right now I've got the excited anxiety going on so I might not be able to write much tonight because I'm too high strung with hope.

Hopefully I'll be able to check in later this weekend. Have a good week all.

Daffodils outside the hotel 

The Latest Update

Finally able to buzz my hair!

I think one of the hardest things about writing blog posts is coming up with a good enough title. I'd rather title a poem or a book. Those are almost easier...a few words to sum up a whole novel or poem theme. Blog titles need to be catchy and there's nothing catchy about 'The Latest Update' but that's exactly what this is!

So, I made it through orientation. My blood sugar behaved well enough to be passable that first day for the physical. I'm not sure why it hopped up from 105 to 170 after breakfast, especially since all I had was coffee and cheesy eggs...AND I even remembered to take my meds that morning! I don't know, but I've had much better readings than what I had during the first part of the month, so the changes I've made are working and I need to keep with them.

They are letting me try again even though my A1C (the 3 month average test) was on the too high side - up to an 8.5!! And they're giving me 3 months to bring it down to 7.9 or better. If I keep eating the way I am - low carb - and do my best to stay active even during training (which may prove difficult, but we'll see), bringing that number down will be the easy part. KEEPING it that way will be the harder part.

Especially since Mr. Janney doesn't have the same dietary restrictions I do. It's very hard to watch him eat something like mashed potatoes when it's something I should stay away from. He is very supportive though and I know that once we're in our own rig as a team, things will be a tad easier.

Speaking of which, it's to the right. I have ridden in it, and it's a smooth enough ride even though Mr. Janney is far from impressed with it. But it is new and still needs to be broken in so maybe it'll get better.

Mr. Janney was in the general neighborhood when I began my orientation this week and he was able to get a load even closer so he could take a few days to visit with me. It was so nice! The last we'd seen each other was on Valentine's weekend when I drove out to Michigan to visit him while his trainer was on vacation. We were only able to get a room one night, so the other night we had to sleep in his rig if we wanted to be together. That was fun, since the bed is technically only meant for one person, but we managed.

So here I sit in the hotel room, waiting for a trainer to become available. I have to report in to the terminal every morning during the week until I'm assigned a trainer and can take off with them. If I stick with my desire to have a female trainer, I may be here for a while. It's not an easy decision to make, because I'm going to feel weird even with a female so I can't imagine how awkward it would be with a male. Especially if whichever trainer I end up with sticks me in the top bunk, as is their right. I climbed up into the top bunks of 'our' rig, just to see if I could do it. It's not pretty, just like my 90 degree backing maneuver, but I can do it.

I get paid either way, so there's that much. I either take walks on the treadmill, or around the hotel building. There is a shuttle van available, between here and the terminal and other places like Walmart and the laundromat (tomorrow's agenda). I spent most of yesterday trying to fix my smartphone. Not sure what changed all of a sudden, but I was getting pop ads outside of apps. Not cool. I can't be having that happen when I'm out on the road because the phone is needed to do the job. I tried restarting the phone, deleting apps, restarting again. Then I decided to do a factory reset, and things were okay for a while...but then they started happening again.

So when one was playing, I saw an Info button and I hit it to see what I'd get. One of the options was 'Why am I seeing this ad?' DO TELL! So yeah, the answer was - "Facebook". Really? So I disabled the app on my phone...the closest I could get to uninstalling it. And haven't had an ad pop up since.

Doing what I do best - waiting!

Look Facebook, I have no problems with ads when I'm on Facebook. But as soon as I close that app - the ads should stop!! I can't be having random videos playing telling me I'll lose my reward if I shut it down while I'm trying to do business and math, because dammit - math is hard enough!

Rant over. I'll probably finish my even either by working on book three or reading or binge watching 'Blue Bloods'...or, knowing me, all three. With the A/C on because it was in the 70's today and my room is still a little warm! My roommate already got her trainer, so I have the room to myself, for the time being. It'll probably change tomorrow or as soon as another female employee gets a trainer.

Stay safe everyone! I'll do my best to check in once in a while.

Waiting and More Waiting

Well, I shouldn't be surprised. Very few things have gone 'as planned' in my life for over a year now, why should it start now?

I began my Orientation as planned, and was sent home in the middle of it for a doctor's note and a blood test. All because I had half a slice of french toast with my breakfast which was enough to drive my blood sugar over the limit for the physical - if they'd warned me they were going to prick my finger, I'd have skipped breakfast all together and given them a fasting reading!

So, the very next day I was put on a bus and found myself back home.

I have had my blood drawn. My A1C reading is higher than what it was a few months ago, but still within the legal limits for a Professional Driver. The A1C reading gives you the average blood sugar reading for the last three months. I don't know how that works, just that it does. And I also received the medical release from my primary doctor. My doctors have all been behind this plan from the beginning.

The papers were faxed Monday afternoon, and I was told to call on Wednesday if I hadn't heard anything. Which I did. And was told they never received the fax!! So I took pictures with my cellphone and emailed them to my recruiter. She's been great, trying to help me get through this. I gave her the information she needed today...but I called back a little while ago only to find out I'm STILL in review.

She enjoys having me back home! lol

If there's a cosmic reason for this, I would love to know what it is!!

In other news, Mr. Janney has finished his training and is being dropped off by his trainer sometime tonight. Somewhere out in Ohio. Probably at a hotel. Hopefully he won't have to wait for too long to be assigned a truck.

Also in other news, as I was heading out for my daily walk yesterday, another piece of book three fell into place and I've been pecking away at that. So I guess this waiting time isn't a complete loss.

The Road Goes Ever On and On...

And sometimes there's road construction, detours, and unexplained delays!

Well, the good news first! Mr. Janney has successfully passed his CDL road test. The bad news to that is: I didn't and I have to start the process over! He gets to "Pass Go and collect $200" and I don't! Such is life, I guess.

I am disappointed in myself for failing, because I know this is something I can do. All my instructors at school agree with me. Some of it has been nerves, and some of this last failure is because I was just out of practice driving the big rig. I wasn't able to afford a refresher drive before this last test. Even though I drove part of the way down to the test sight, it just wasn't enough. But part of the reason why we fail is so we can learn from our mistakes.

But I am tickled pink that Mr. Janney has passed! I'm proud of him. This was his idea in the first place, something we'd talked about on and off for a while. We tried a year ago to apply to a truck driving school, but it didn't work out. By then the die was cast because he'd already quit his job. So we fell to Plan B. We'd continue as is until my surgeries were out of the way and try again. One thing led to another which in turn led us to the school we attended together and a job together.

Obviously, we won't be starting at the same time. But we were both talking with the recruiter last night and it won't be a problem. Mr. Janney will be through his training and running solo until I can join him, simple as that. It's not what we had planned, not even for Plan B...but sometimes in life you have to go through the entire alphabet to find what works! You just have to keep trying and not give up.

Easier said than done sometimes, I know. You know I know.

I'm a little anxious, but then I'd have been that way even if I'd passed and we were starting at the same time! I'll just use the late start to my part of the adventure to wind up my editing and reworking of my first two novels and continue to work book three. I know it's been forever for my fans, but it was the decision to make these changes which unlocked my writer's block and enabled me to work on book three again.

Though I can't see what's beyond the curve,
 I know the best thing is to keep on going.

As anxious as I am, I'm also excited. Because even though it's just one of us who's passed, we're still in this together. We're one step closer than we were before. I will take you all on this life's trip as much as possible. It's what I do, and why I have no problem posting about my failure and down times online. You get the good, the bad and everything in-between when I write here. Any silences are when I'm trying to process the bad and the down times...the only thing I can do. I hope you'll all stay with me on this journey.

Until next time, much love.

Quietly Thinking

So, I've been on the quiet side recently. Just posting pictures and I'm sure you know what that means if you've been around following me long enough.

Depression has been visiting again.

I was kind of expecting it, especially when it came time for me to try going back to work. I kid you not, I was in tears as I drove myself to work that first afternoon. Four hours into shift the tears were now because of the pain I was in from being back on that concrete floor and that didn't exactly help the depression either. I thought - I'm right back where I started out at, if not worse. I won't go into the details, but I no longer work for the factory.

Instead, I am waiting for my 401K to be available so that I can pursue a new line of work. Mr. Janney had originally planned on being at my side for it, however, his driving record isn't good enough at the moment so I will have to go to truck driving school on my own. I am not exactly pleased about this, but then...life doesn't always go as planned, does it? A line from Ring of Fire: Does the future never scare you? Yes, all too often.

So yeah, I'm dealing with circumstantial depression hoping it doesn't turn into chemical depression. (Keeps fingers crossed) And honestly, I don't even want to talk about the anxiety at the thought of driving a big rig even brings to me. But that is probably another subject for another day. I've already had my first nightmare about it...driving into the median to avoid hitting vehicles in front of me.

I've still been working on my stories. The Farmer's Daughter is out to a few different people for a read through. I've made the original set of changes to Ring of Fire and have sort of finished my own first read through of the draft...it was a struggle when I reached a certain point, because I'm still struggling with the center where I'm STILL doing too much telling and not enough showing (Curse you Dragon Queen aka Veronica!). I think she scares me almost as much as she does Craig, the male protagonist. So right now, I'm going through Ring again fixing typos and looking for that center fudge to fix.

And yes...I've also been working on Book Three aka Bigger than the Beetles. Right now as I'm typing this post, I have four words documents open (Farmer's, Ring, Beetles, and one for flashback freewriting) And four internet tabs open (blogger, Youtube playing music - Mumford and Sons at present) Facebook, and one random tab for googling stuff - like hair colors, and drug interactions. Which - if you ever want some eye candy, google black men with hazel eyes...oh my...)

A Survivor!

Well...I have survived my first night back to work.

Probably all I'm willing to say about that! Although, it's that time of year again where I shower before and after work - it's very hot work.

I think I am satisfied with my revision of my second novel and have put it to the side for the moment to work on book three. Once my readers are done with the draft of The Farmer's Daughter, I'll ask them if they want Ring of Fire as well.

Had I been smarter, I'd have my blog posts all written for this week. I did try yesterday, ah...Sunday that is...but my brain wasn't working as well as I'd have liked. But of course, now I'm tired and achy and just wanna write lol

I'll try to pull something interesting out of my hat for later in the week.

Much love!

One Week Left

The one spot I asked my husband not to weed eat or mow...
cuz....daisies!!

So, for those of you who remember, I've been off work for about three months now. I returned to work in April after my March surgery only to have another problem crop up. 

I've been going to physical therapy for a while, and having been receiving a steroid treatment to the trouble spot. It's not 100% better, but it's well enough to try going back to work next Monday.

Looking forward to getting a paycheck again...being out of the air conditioning and away from my computer - not so much. But still, there are bills to be paid, so until I hit the big time, "day job" it is.

I was told that my specific position was put up for bid since I've been out longer than 90 days, so I'm not even certain what I'll be doing when I go back (no anxiety there!). I'll find out more about that tomorrow.

I've been working my way through my second novel while the first one is out to people to be read. I'm afraid I'm going to have to end up reworking the entire middle section of the book because it feels to me like I'm doing more telling than showing. I will probably wait on doing that until I've worked my way through the novel for the first set of changes.

So I have a week to finish that first going through. I do have One Drive installed on my smartphone, so as long as I have internet on my phone, I'll be able to work on my stories anywhere. It's not my most favorite way to write, but it is better than nothing. I'll go back through my blog posts about Farmer's Daughter, see what I hit and missed on what I wanted to talk about in the first place. I can't believe I pounded out 3 posts last week, all in one sitting. Especially since I'm sitting here now thinking 'wut r words?'

That said, I'm signing off for my Monday blog. Here's hoping to a productive week!

Much love!

Helping Virgil

Everyone goes through rough times. Mr. Janney and I have been there done that, and no doubt we'll have our fair share more often than we care during the course of our lives.

Virgil, AKA Gandalf the Grey

A couple of months ago, one of our coworkers, Virgil, began to have a series of unfortunate events that set him back. First, the guy was suspended from work for three days...I'll be honest, I don't know all the details, just that it was what I call 'coworker drama'. Whatever the reason, Corporate decided to end the suspension and bring him back, whether an exoneration or a second chance I'm not sure, although since the claims against him were regarding physical violence, my money would be on exoneration...especially since our company has a zero tolerance for that kind of stuff. I also believe that because he was eventually paid for the days he missed. They don't do that if you're guilty, they don't bring you back either.

So Virgil came back to work, much to some people's surprise.  But he settled back in, drama evened out for the time being. And then his car broke. Specifically one of the back struts, which also damaged the tire. The car was not drivable, leaving him with no way to get back and forth to work on his own. He was able to get a ride into work most days, but no one other than my husband was willing to take him home - even though Virgil lives in the opposite direction from us. A gentleman, and I use that term loosely, who lives 3 away from Virgil, not only didn't offer...he all but refused to give him a ride home. His wife says that is just how he is with everyone...that's a whole other story I don't even want to get into!

Now, I know first hand that Virgil can be difficult to work with. But once I realized that he just wants the job to be done correctly, and for the rules to be followed (like employee rotation), it was a lot easier to work with him. Yes, he tends to be repetitive...but he is an older guy and I just chalked it up to that. But when he came back from his most recent absence, due to a breathing attack, with a life changing diagnosis, I wonder if his mental confusion isn't medical in nature.

I'm going to be honest, I was first told he was diagnosed with stage 3 cirrhosis...but then he later said Hepatitis C...so I'm not sure which one it is at this moment. I plan on finding out when I see him tomorrow. Both affect the liver. Hep C is more treatable than cirrhosis, so I'm hoping he has that instead. Cirrhosis carries a much bleaker prognosis.

Either way, with everything else going on the past couple of months, including reduced work hours (which can happen this time of year) he doesn't have a whole lot to spare for medical bills. So I started a GoFundMe drive for him. I just want to be able to give him a bit of money for the holidays to help him and to just encourage him. Because he's just been so discouraged with everything that has been happening to him.

From the stories he tells on the ride home, he's had a bit of a rough life. He's seen a few things that I've only ever seen on television or in the movies. He's a hard worker, only absent when ill, tells interesting stories and has a good heart. He was always so worried about me or Mr. Janney driving back home after dropping him off...a lot of white tailed deer country and we always saw more than a few on those drives. The night before Thanksgiving, he took home a couple rejected cabinet doors and I asked him what he was going to do with them. He told me how he was going to create a mountain scene in the center of one with wood burning and turn it into a memorial plaque for a friend who'd lost his father. I have no reason to believe that he didn't do just that. I mean, he's a single guy living on his own except for a cute rescue dog with time to do whatever he wants with time on his hands.

Everyone deserves a helping hand from time to time. I know the few dollars I collect for Virgil won't solve any of his problems, but they just might make the burden lighter. Please, if you have a few dollars to spare, help me Help Virgil.

When Days Blend

Normally this is a slow time for our work. Last year we were lucky if we made it 6 hours a night. This year has not been slow. Mr. Janney and I have been working 40+ hours since...I really don't know how long it's been. Since before the holidays even.

I'm not complaining, the paychecks enabled us to be generous at Christmas and to go on a trip over the week we had off between Christmas and New Years. But it does get tiresome. Especially when they have you work both days of the weekend. That 12 day stretch causes the days to blend into together, especially when there are 12 hours shifts mixed in there.

I'm Batman....AND Robin
I'm special like that! Lol

What I have complained about to hubby, has been the frustration I've faced when it comes to writing. Both blogging and my novel. I'll have all sorts of great ideas at work, during transit, but when I get home...well, we're hungry, we're tired, there's always something to do - laundry, dishes, etc. and all too often all I want to do after is just sit in my recliner and veg. I don't get on my laptop to play Clash of Clans, and both hubby and I are huge clashers! We love to war, but we've only just recently started putting ourselves back into war.

By vegging, I mean I'm either reading - In Death or Star Trek novels, or watching tv...usually Law and Order SVU or Criminal Minds or NCIS. I have caught some original CSI episodes recently! Miss those shows so much! If there's nothing 'good' on, which isn't unusual at  midnight, I'll go to On Demand and watch a movie. The last one I watched was Cloud Atlas. I mean, you can't really go wrong with Tom Hanks - and the more the merrier (Polar Express!!). I'd read enough about it before hand that it wasn't too hard to follow, though I know I still missed tons. I mean hey, I was tired and was competing with Mr. Janney's music.

We had to order some things off Amazon recently, and for whatever reason it ended up being two orders. The first order I was a bit short for the free shipping, so I threw in a few books I've been wanting (Star Trek #71 Crossroad and Immortal In Death). No big deal, right? But then Mr. Janney wanted something else, so naturally I had to throw in a few more books right? I got what I thought was the sequel to a book I already, but alas --- I accidentally ordered book 3 of the Elvenbane series instead!! I can't read book 3 without reading book 2 first, at least to refresh my memory because it's been YEARS since I read it. Long story there, same with the other book I ordered - The Dragonbone Chair. I won't tell it today, but will think about sharing it later this year. After I've gotten back on track with the blogs and shared my adventure over our winter break. I have to get that written and posted soon -- I mean, it's February already for crying out loud!

Wish me luck this year! There's more to tell, but it's bedtime.

One Adventure After Another

Honestly, I have not been up to much these past few months.  Working during the week and reading any moment I can. Not much writing I'm afraid.

But I'm blaming that on Harry Potter as those are the books I devoured over the summer. He's such an evil influence, you know.  Teaching kids spells and how to do magic.

At least, that's what I was taught back in my church days.

However flawed that logic is, I put off reading the series until after I was no longer attending church. It was one of those things I wanted to make my own decision about, because at almost 30 I was tired of having other's make decisions for me. Aside from finding the novels a bit cliched, and some of Harry's antics rather irritating, I liked them. Although to this day I still feel slightly guilty. I have some family members who still go to church and have their noses turned up the books.

The books are far more harmless than some books I won't name. I mean, they're fiction.  I have yet to produce a Patronus when I yell Expecto Patronum (which literally translates as I await a guardian) or disarm someone with Expelliarmus.

In fact, there are a lot of good lessons in Harry Potter. Don't trust diaries that write back. Don't be quick to judge people. Have friends outside of your clique. Don't wait until the last minute to do your homework. Face your fears with humor. Chocolate is medicine for depression.

And those are just a few.

One weekend in late summer Mr. Janney and I went up to his parents to help with fire wood. That was fun. I got to operate the homemade wood-splitter Dad made. We polished off a good chunk of his wood pile that afternoon and thanks to an increase of Saturday work, we never did get back up to finish the rest.

We also took the dog with us that day. Jaclyn loves getting out of the trailer when she can, although she doesn't like having to be tied up. At least we didn't run into any snakes this time. A few spiders maybe, and a lot of bugs, but I didn't look that close. Was very glad I was wearing work gloves.

My mother turned 70 in the  beginning of October. Us five kids threw her a party, that was decently attended. I was really impressed how we were all able to work together without fighting (as siblings do) in order to make the day special for mom. Dad would have approved, were he still alive. I loved the moment when a couple of friends from a few hours away showed up - she had NO IDEA they were coming as I had never mentioned it to her so it would be a surprise for her since she knew all about the party in advance.

I managed to sneak a pretty good selfie of mom and us five. I'm in the blue, Mom's in the pink, Sara is on her left. Cliff is behind her right, Liston is behind Sara, and Duane's head is just behind Cliff. I'm not sure where our older half-sister was hiding for this picture. I was cheating and taking it while a friend was taking a group picture of us.

It was the one of the few Saturdays Mr. Janney and I managed to have off. I was really worried about it too. I even warned my supervisor about it. 'If we work that Saturday, I won't be able to be here. That's the day for my mom's 70th that we've had planned forever' or at least before Saturday work started.

Mr. Janney and I managed to buy a second vehicle. It's hard in our area to find anyone willing to work payments on a private purchase for a used vehicle. And even harder to find a decent vehicle for under a thousand. We had to go for a two hour trip for this car, and I think she'll be worth it. She needs a little TLC, but she runs. And has a sunroof! That's a novelty I've never had in a vehicle before and I love it. Mr. Janney's mother claims he's ridden with one before, but he doesn't remember it. Let's just say that I'm not the only one playing as we drive with it open.

It reminds me just a bit of the car we had repossessed during the hard time when Justin and I almost lost everything because of medical reasons. Mainly because it's silver and a sedan. A little smaller, and it's standard instead of automatic. But she giddy ups and goes, and that's all that matter.

It will help on days when Mr. Janney and I have different work hours. When he has a 12hour shift (like tomorrow) and I don't, or vice versa. Or when I get to go to first shift, some time after Thanksgiving. Which I'm really kind of excited about. I was on their day shift for training a year ago and I felt better working 7-3 than I did 6-3:30 at the old place. I'm hoping the change in shift will help my blood sugar numbers. They've been on the high side the past summer.

I was also diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. Hashimoto's thyroid. Simple means that my own immune system is attacking my thyroid, which is why it needs ever increasing doses of synthetic hormone in order to work right, and why I still feel like crap even though the drugs are doing an awesome job.  I've been experimenting with a gluten free diet because of this, because a lot of others with Hashimoto's report that it helps. I can definitely tell a difference, especially when I cheat and eat something I know has gluten in it.

Well, as I mentioned before, we have work this Saturday (today) and have to get signed off.  I guess I've been busier than I thought.  I promise I will write again soon.

Conversations With Myself

Do you talk to yourself?

I do.

A lot.

We all know the old joke, about needing expert advice.  But honestly, isolation drove me to it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

I lived on my own for about five years.  Many of my jobs have had an element of isolation to them as well. At the veneer plant, there were some nights I would be the only one working in my building.  As a receptionist and librarian, hours could pass without a patron.  As a bus driver, the time before picking up my first student and dropping off my last could be lengthy.

My first year at the print facility I was with the other employees, but once I was moved into the pre-press department hours could go by with my seeing another human being. Many times I would be alone in the building for a few hours, my only company the 'Indians' that haunted the place.

At the meat plant, even standing near each other, there wasn't always time for me to talk to my neighbor, especially when the meat was coming at us fast.  Once they moved me to the other side of the line, I was essentially by myself.  Oh, there were workers across from me, but it was terrible trying to talk to them, mostly due to the noise levels.

Dame Helen Mirren circa 2014

This hasn't always been a bad thing.  The isolation gave me a chances to 'think out loud' and verbalize dialogue in whichever novel I was working on at the time.  Which sometimes included hand waving as I was 'mentally' acting out the person's body language.  I know at the meat plant I caused more than a little bit of laughter.  And let me tell you something, trying to imitate Dame Helen Mirren as your character can be a little tough.  If Veronica were a few years older, Dame Helen would be the woman I'd want playing her in a movie.  Although Dame Helen certainly doesn't look her 70 years so I'd be willing to bet she'd be able to pull it off playing a character almost 30 years her junior.

But talking to myself isn't always a good thing either.  In my present job, there is no isolation except when I'm standing in my work area inspection the cabinet door and even then it is possible to turn my head one way or the other and talk to my nearest neighbor. But I still catch myself muttering when a door is giving me grief or the person in charge is irritating me or just when I'm brooding about something non-work related.

I'm a terrible brooder, even on the best of days.  Whether it's over something I've seen on Facebook, which really is a waste of time, or about a hiccup in my story.  I've had such trouble writing this third novel, and I'm not always sure why.  Some of it has been related to depression and lack of energy. My thyroid has been off again, my levels crept back up to 8+ by the time I had lab work done.  Some of it has just been missing pieces of the puzzle/plot that I only just realized were missing. I've ironed one out and have been working on the other.

One of the missing pieces was in fact the antagonist herself, Veronica as the Dragon Queen.  I just needed to add more of her earlier in the novel. Why have an antagonist that only shows up for her court scenes and the battle scene at the end? And of course, if I include more of the Dragon Queen, then that means I have to include at least one more Dragon Dream.  That revelation came from a conversation with my husband, which still amuses me because he doesn't read.  He was actually trying to sell my books to his coworkers and when they asked what it was about, which he only has a vague notion about from bits and pieces I've shared.  One of the things he said to them was that there was a dragon in it. And it hit me then that I needed to include more dragon sequences in the third novel.  It's opened the doors of creativity again.

Sometimes it pays to have a conversation with someone other than myself!

The contraption of death.

Especially when it's self encouragement like what I went through Sunday afternoon after I fell off my bike.  I have crappy balance anyway, so this bike riding project of my husband's is really challenging me.  I only fell off once, but afterwards my adrenaline is so high and I'm so shaky that it takes me several minutes before I can back on.  I refuse to give up after falling.  I just kept telling myself out loud that "I will get this. I will not walk my bike back to the truck. I will get back on and ride back." Mr Janney was a little amused.  And I did.  After one false start, I got back on and rode off. You can read more about my bike riding at the link I provided at the bottom of the post.



The latest posts are up at Broads of a Feather, both mine and C.P.'s...why don't you head on over and check them out?