Sunday, February 23, 2014

The Unmerciful Circle of Life

I must admit to a certain amount of melancholy today.  My Facebook post this morning certainly reflected that.  "Sometimes in the morning when I check Facebook on my phone, I'll scroll quickly through the 'top stories' before I switch to most recent. This morning I had two statuses 'side by side' that really made me stop and pause. Posted roughly 6 hours apart, one was a new mama sharing how she and her hubby were falling in love with their firstborn...the second one was another mama sharing the devastating news that her daughter had just lost her fiance. I rejoice with the first, and mourn with the second. And I really have no words to describe my mood at the moment, maybe later."

I am certainly happy for my classmate who had the baby.  It is her first and a fulfilled hope I understand.  I can't wait to see the pics she will post as her baby boy begins to grow and mature.  Not having children of my own, I watch my friends' children grow with bittersweet joy.

But the grief for my other friend, who is only a little younger than I, who just lost her fiance is the dominant emotion at the moment.  Because that's something else I understand.  I didn't marry until this past summer, at the ripe old age of 37.  I had given up on romantic love a long time ago, and Mr. Janney was a surprise.  And as much as there are times when I want to sell him (and his Xbox!) to the nearest traveling circus - I can't imagine life without him.  Well, I can but that's beside the point.  And here is my friend, having found 'the one' - and in a heartbeat, he was gone.  I'm not sure the full story, just that he was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and that an EEG revealed abnormalities.  That was on Friday.  This morning I read that he passed away on Saturday.

When Mr. Janney and I were discussing marriage one night on the way home from his parents, well it was more of an argument really, one of the things he was saying in an attempt to say that things in our relationship were fine as they were was that he loved me ... 'maybe' forever.  Maybe?  That lit a spark in me.  We had just come from a funeral for his 90+ great-grandmother.  I very vocally reminded him that 'forever' could be over in heartbeat because we don't know what the future holds.  There is nothing guaranteed.  All sorts of unplanned random crap can and does happen all the time.  (It's 2014 - who dies from pneumonia???)  Needless to say it was a really quiet weekend after that conversation.  As in, I spend the rest of it in a different part of the trailer and just let him think.

By the end of the week, we were married.  Did we rush?  After being together for almost 5 years and living together for just over 4 - why piddlefart around?  Have I questioned it since then?  Ever since the purchase of GTA 5, more than a little.  Do I have peace about it?  Ever since my last drunk, yes.

Because life is not meant to be lived hesitantly.  Tweet it! :)

In my novel, when Craig brought up the idea of eloping, Angela of course needed time to think about it.  She was surprised, not just by his question but by how possible it was.  He had just proposed to her that afternoon, and should she be willing they could be married before the end of the day.  Naturally she was a little intimidated by the notion, but as they passed through Simmons Crossroads later that day, the intersection where her brother had met his death, she was reminded how quickly life could be over and gave into the spontaneity her fiance was offering her.  A chance to have a wish/desire fulfilled in a heartbeat (or as long as it took to fly to Vegas).

Ironically, this scene was written and 'set' before my own 'quick' marriage.  Whether it was a glimpse into my own future and I didn't realize it, or just my characters mirroring my emotions/mindsets, I may never fully know.  I know that in the second novel, set four years after then end of the first, the events that happen cause Craig to ask Angela is she regrets how quickly they married.  You'll have to wait for her answer (and the events that brought it up), as I don't want to spoil things to much for you.  Yet.

No matter where life finds you today, appreciate those around you even if they frustrate you, and don't hesitate to live to the fullest.

2014 - Life to the Fullest

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