Never Too Old to Learn a New Trick

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks."

It's an old saying that I'm sure everybody has heard at least once in their life.  It is often used to refer to older humans as well.  Some habits can't be changed or broke, because it's so ingrained by then.

I suppose there is some truth to that.  I'm having a hard time curbing my sweet tooth.  I've lived with it for so long and have given in to it for just as long, that it is hard to say NO when the urge for a treat raises it's ugly head.  The other night my mother treated us to supper, and I saw the soda machine in the corner with a favorite soda showing and thought 'I don't drink soda that often anymore, it won't hurt to treat myself this once.' And boy did I regret it! I apparently can't drink any soda anymore without it going straight through me in a very painful way.

But since we never really stop learning until we're dead, there is always a chance of learning something new and having it stick.

In my case, as I'm all too quickly my 39th birthday, I am learning how to swim.

All my doctors want me to lose weight, but they don't want me walking or on my foot to exercise in anyway and all that's left to me is upper body exercises and swimming.  Which I don't exactly know how to do.  I know more now than when I first started this blog though.

There's only one free pool in out area, which is just over half an hour away from us so unfortunately we can't exactly go everyday.  So far, Mr. Janney and I have gone at least once a weekend since they've opened.   We've had a fairly active thunderstorm season so far, so there have been a few times they've had to close the pool due to weather.

I'm not really sure why I never learned how to swim as a youth.  We didn't really have any deep rivers or ponds available for us to swim in growing up, or parents that would have allowed it? I'm not sure which it would be.  My school didn't have a pool like my husband's did (it still does).  And I did have a scary experience in a small pool when I was in 4-H, which instilled a good deal of fear regarding water...especially water over my head.

I  mean, I hate it.  Especially water in my ears.  If it gets stuck in there, I have that plugged feeling for what feels like an eternity.

So, we've solved that problem by my using ear plugs (which to my deep regret I forgot on Sunday) and swimming goggles.  And what a difference they make!  Especially the earplugs!  They eliminated so much of that not-so-irrational fear that I was able to brave the water on Sunday when I forgot them.  Yeah I got water in my ear, but I was determined to make more progress so I kept on.  Between getting water in my ear, and some up my  nose - I haven't mastered the entire breathing thing quite right yet, I've irritated my sinuses to the point the nurse practitioner ordered some antibiotics this afternoon when I saw her.  So in a way, I guess I'm paying for my determination to learn - but it's so worth it!

I probably know just enough that I won't drown if I somehow get caught in deep water without my husband nearby.  As if!  My technique is lacking, but I can almost cross the pool on my own without floundering.  Almost.  I can doggy paddle, sort of, all the way across.  My hubby says I'm doing good, and even one of the lifeguards who works there was kind enough to comment on my progress as well.

Hopefully before summers end, I'll have it more or less mastered.  Already I'm relaxed enough in the water that I don't want to get out, even if I'm not ready to do some of the tricks that Mr. Janney now regrets (his shoulder maybe isn't recovered enough from surgery to be doing back strokes and underwater flips).

Still, not too bad for this 'old dog'.

What is something you'd like to learn to do, or a fear you'd like to overcome?



Just a reminder, you can by my books for your Kindle (or a paperback) at these links: Farmer's Daughter Kindle/Paperback, Ring of Fire Kindle/Paperback.  If you prefer Nook, use these links Farmer's Daughter/Nook, Ring of Fire/Nook.

March Madness

One thing I don't miss about television is March Madness.  I'm sure things are a little different now since there are a bazillion different channels to watch, but I grew up with only 3 or 4 channels - it depended on the season as to how many signals came through; we got WNEP 16 better once the leaves had fallen off the tree.  And that meant each March when the basketball playoffs started...there was nothing else to watch.  While I enjoy watching basketball in person, I have never liked watching it on television. (give me hockey any day!)

I've been going through my own personal March Madness this year, and not because of anything on television.

Where to begin?

I guess the most important wrench in the waterworks has been the postponement of my foot surgery.  It was supposed to have been this past Wednesday, but the doctor’s office called me on Monday to say, “Not yet kiddo.”  That’s not what the nurse actually said, but it suffices for my dramatic storytelling!  Needless to say, I was a little upset.  And understandably so.  I mean, I was ready.  I’d been practicing on my crutches and was comfortable enough with them, although I hadn't tried the steps leading into our home yet.  I’d taken Monday and Tuesday off as vacation days not only for the full 8 hours of paid vacay, but also so I could have a few relatively less stressful/painful days and so I could wrap up a few loose items here at home.

BUT – I have to wait a couple weeks so that the doctor can get numbers from me concerning my blood sugar.  I don’t completely understand the connection of my blood sugar to my apparently super high risk of blood clots, but I agree with the doc – I don’t want to end up dying on the operating table!  So, I take my morning blood sugar as usual and record it; and in the evening I take it again 2 hours after my dinner and record that as well.  He says that he doesn't care what they are, he just needs to know what they are.  I did feel a little defeated since I had just gotten my 3-month blood sugar average back down to almost 7 after it had crept up to almost 9.

Of course, I could only wish that were my only problem I’ve faced this month.  Don’t we all?  Life has a way of throwing us several curve balls all at once.  I don’t know about you, but sometimes Life feels more like game of dodge ball.  Except in dodge ball you have a better chance of dodging because you can see where the thrower is trying to aim!

It does not surprise me that my strife this month has been in the area of relationships.  And Facebook.  Facebook is a wonderful tool, but sometimes like everyone else I spend too much time on it.  Which is why the one issue did surprise me.

I encountered trolling/bullying from one of my half-sisters.  Like many people these days, I come from a blended family.  Nothing complicated, there are no step-siblings.  My father had five children with his first wife, and five with his second (which is where I fit in). On the first day of my ibuprofen-free week before the surgery I thought I was going to have, I was having a rough day at work.  I have numerous joints that ache so I take the painkiller for more than just foot pain.  Knowing I have several friends on Facebook who would understand exactly what I was going through and would have encouraging  words, on my first break at work, I posted a simple status “every.thing.hurts”.

And I was right.  I did receive several encouraging replies.  I should have stopped reading when I was ahead.  Out of the blue, one of my half-sisters pretty much told me to suck it up.  Say what?  I wasn’t like I was whining about it, I was just stating a fact!  It was not a pleasant conversation and to be honest, her words – especially when she threatened to block me because she didn’t want a self-centered brat like me as a sister – cut deep.  Honestly, her words still hurt.  When I was young, I pretty much worshiped my older siblings. Not in a bad way, in the normal annoying younger sister way.  Two of them were more than a little guilty of spoiling me rotten, and this sister was one of those two.

 

So yeah.  Her words hurt.  A lot.  I've had more than one person tell me I handled the situation fine, but it doesn't feel it.  Especially since I unfriended her in an effort to protect myself from further meanness.  She can still see what I post publicly, which I've been doing a lot of recently.  If she wants to follow through on her threat to block me because I’m somehow embarrassing her or not living up to her standards – then she will have to do that herself.  While I understand what has happened, either because my “foot pain” posts were all Facebook ever showed her because of their separating Recent Stories and Top Stories, or her lack of understanding of that separation, or whether it’s due to her just not being online often enough and it was just bad timing, none of that excuses her bad behavior.  And while I certainly still love her, I do what I have to in an effort to protect myself.  If she trolls in somewhere else because of my decision to live ‘publicly’ on Facebook, then I’ll take that extra step and block her myself.

The other issue which has my Emotional OCD all tied up in knots is the church I haven’t been to in almost 7 years until just recently!  This is far more complicated than the previous issue.  At least there I can blame it on my sister being … well, too old and crotchety for Facebook.  Parts of me are still healing, even after 7 years, that I’m a little scared to even include it in this blog post.  People don’t like hearing bad things about a church, and they always pull out worn out lines, “Don’t touch God’s anointed” (God will punish you if you do!) and then come the judgment verses.  I was even told “Don’t judge someone just because they sin differently than you do.” And of course, “You can be 100% right and still be wrong.” Which really means, Yes, you're right but you're making waves and disturbing the status quo - so shut up.

Sigh.

I feel, whether rightly or not, that after 8 years of not attending this church regularly, nobody there has any reason to mention my name outside of ‘remember when Robin wrote that funny squirrel story and pastor read it before the congregation one Sunday and everybody laughed?’ type reminiscing.  And even though one of my younger brothers goes there, I don’t think the people there who know me really ought to be voicing any comparisons of the two of us.  Is what they said untrue?  No.  My brother is more laid back than I am.  And why wouldn't he be since he’s the youngest of the brood?  That’s really very simple and basic psychology.  Not that hard.  Do I tend to show my emotions more easily than my brother?  Uhm, in a public setting, yeah.  Always have, always will.  I really wish I could go back and record some interactions between me and my brother, what an eye-opener it would be for some people since we are always more relaxed at home amongst family. (in general)

So, since it was true, why does it bother me?  Because I know the negativity behind that ‘she’s emotional’ line.  While it could very well have been an innocent observation, I question it because of who said it.  This person and I have had contention between us for years, even when I attended the church and even though it was not always so.  Indeed, I once looked up to him and considered him an unofficial mentor.  But for many reasons that changed, and once again because I was not lining up with other people’s expectations of me, I was somewhat looked down upon.  One of many issues leadership had with me was my habit of living with my heart on my sleeve…which I thought I could do there since I felt safe.  I was easily moved to tears (maybe I had pent up sadness I’d never before been able to express?).

I also heard how one person (which means it was really more than just one) also feared I would make a scene the day of my brother’s baptism when I attended this past Sunday.  That one blew my mind.  Because this person doesn't know me well enough at all to base that fear on!  We may have had dinner together once when his family invited mine over, but to tell you the truth, I’m not even sure he was present that night.  Talk about another lifetime ago!  So this person who has never hung out with me, has never even had a conversation with me, was voicing this baseless fear.  He could only have been basing this on things he’s been told about me from other people.

Of course, I made the “mistake” of voicing my thoughts about it on Facebook.  I thought it was actually a very polite but pointed post myself.  But it brought about the judgement lines I mentioned above, and cost me at least two friends on Facebook.  Basically I’m supposed to overlook the fact that I feel as though my character is still being judged by people who no longer have that right, and they’re voicing it to others.  I guess it would be taking the high road.

Except, I’m really kind of tired of being intimidated into silence.  It is not wrong to speak truth, nor to express emotions.  If I am expected to forgive others for not being perfect, it really is only fair for the same courtesy to be extended to myself from them.  I will never see that happen, but it is a fair and reasonable expectation to have of people.  It is also a reasonable expectation that people who profess believing in the prophetic gifting of Christians to actually listen to the words coming out of their mouths.

See, this is the irony of this situation.  The last few years that I was there, one of the prophetic words given to me, by a person in leadership, was how I was like an iceberg.  In short, there's more to me than meets the eye and people judged me by the small portion they could see, not realizing just how deep of a person I was.  Was this “word” really for me, or perhaps for the leadership who had counted me out in many ways?  Same with the ‘dormant volcano” word, although in that case it was a word given to me out of state and I should have shared it with the people who had authority and influence in my life at the time.  That’s my error.  And then there was the prayer over me about thinking deep thoughts; prayed by the pastor of the time.  A case of “careful of what you pray for”?  Maybe.  All I know is that God tried His best to get them to listen, but they would not hear.

When you look into a broken mirror,
your image will be distorted.  Don't
let others' opinions of you, distort your image.

So here I am.  Back to constantly second guessing what I post online, on Facebook and even here.  Feeling as though I've screwed up ‘like usual’.  Feeling as though doing the best that I can isn't good enough.  Really?  Really.  Problem is, I know I’m good enough…I know that my best is all God asks for…and I know I am nobody’s doormat.

I promise my future posts will contain less person issues, as I've got some great ideas sitting in drafts.  It’s a good thing I have 9 more months to complete my New Year’s resolution of getting all my drafts published this year!  My third book is currently at a standstill, but it is never far from my thoughts and I look forward to telling you all about it when it is progressing again.  My second novel is available for Nook now too, and near the end of April the first one will be going back on it as well.  I continue to look into other avenues to get my books to people who want to read them.

If nothing else, I am persistent!  I also promise to post sooner than a month’s time.  Until next time!!

Back In Action

I can't begin to say how GOOD it feels to be back online!

my very own 'Touched By An Angel' moment....

Our internet should have been turned back on earlier this week, I even had the company's representatives tell me that it was turned back on and they'd send me a repairman to find out why it wasn't reaching our modem.  It didn't take the repairman long to discover the problem - it was never turned back on!!   Shopping for a different provider never sounded so good as it does right now!

So I'm back and working on getting my online presence sparkling again.  I've already posted at Broads of a Feather.  Because that's a shared blog, I did what I had to in order to keep my posts up to date there, although I'm afraid the posts weren't my best.  I hate writing a post on my phone app, because the screen is so small and my phone is so stupid - it's ridiculously outdated.

I was supposed to be Googling a computer question for my hubby tonight, but I've been so busy checking all my stuff out that I haven't quite got there yet.  I mean...Facebook and blogs and Amazon and Twitter!!  I almost feel like I've come back home after a long trip!  But I know better, because while I had all that silence I was able to complete the rough draft to my second novel!  How exciting is that?!?!  I have taken a break before getting down to the dirty work of proofing it mostly because we're in the middle of transitioning computers (hence the reason why I need to Google computer questions later).  But I expect to release it at least by the end of August!

Which brings me up to an important announcement.  I will be taking Farmer's Daughter off of Nook Press at the end of July.  I know that's a bit short notice, but if I'm going to be releasing the sequel in August, I want a chance to have some sales and special offers available through the Kindle Select program.  Which means that it can only be available for the Kindle.  No biggie since I never did see the sales on Nook that I have on the Kindle.  SO if you haven't gotten your Nook version, better hop to it!  And if you're waiting on a Kindle sale...it's just around the corner!

Sigh.  Ok, I guess I'd better power down for a bit and see if I can't figure out what he did to the new computer so he doesn't have to take it to a professional.  And I have physical therapy in the morning - for both my foot and for the muscle spasm I triggered in my lower back last week.  But at least things are turning around for us in other areas of our life!

I'll see you all again...shortly!  :)

2014 ~ It's July!  How time has flown!

The "Missing" Link

Here is the link for my book on Nook.  Presently I'm selling it for $2.50 there, US dollars.  Judging by some of the books I saw there, that's a fair price.

Truthfully, I hate putting a price on my novel.  It's just weird to me.  I mean, there will never be an amount that would accurately match the amount of hours I put into it...ever.  But I want the price to be attractive enough that people will want to buy it.

Because I like people reading my book.  It feels good when they say they like it.  Even my mother liked it..."enough".  I knew it wouldn't be met with rave reviews from her because of the smidgen of language in it, the f-bomb was dropped twice, and there was a little bit of sex in it.  Just a little.  My mother can be a bit of a Puritan sometimes, but to each their own, right?

I love hearing what people's favorite parts were.  One of my favorite scenes in the novel, is the "almost kiss" in the laundry room on Christmas day.  To come so close, and to be rudely interrupted.  Grandma Pearl meant well, but she obviously did not get the family memo stating that Craig and Angela were to be left alone!  In many ways, that moment marks Craig's first breaking point.  He decided at Thanksgiving that he wanted to see where his friendship with Angela would take them, so long as it was slow...but things begin to ramp up without his expectation.  On Christmas he also gets to see the depth of Angela's pain over her brother's death, and it once again puts his own in perspective.

Craig's pain is very real, and in no way does his opinion that Angela's pain is worse than his own pain mean that it actually is.  While it is true that there is always someone who has a worse situation than our own, that in no way diminishes the reality of what we feel and experience.  Many times it's just a matter of perspective.  Many times it's just knowing that we're not the only ones to feel pain and despair.  For so long, Craig only ever saw his own pain.  It consumed him.

But then he saw Angela's.  And knew that he wasn't alone.  While Angela's struggle with her guilt over her brother's death was far from a perfect Christian example (there is no such thing, but we often think there is), it is enough that it gives Craig hope.  Because Angela never stops fighting the despair that so often threatens to consume her; she often ran from it, denied it, but she never stopped fighting.

And I went on a lot longer than I intended!  That happens from time to time.

Hope everyone has had a good Monday!  Here's looking to more snow on Tuesday!

The Nook Book

If I did everything right, my novel Farmer's Daughter should be available for Nook tomorrow!

Going to keep this post short as I had a great day with family, but a long one.  It's that time of year for family and food!  And football!  Which is odd because I prefer hockey over football, but when it's what everyone else is watching, it's hard not to get involved!

Have a great day everyone and I'll keep you updated!

Hopes Dashed!

I've spent a week off the computer in an attempt to rest my aching wrist, and have missed this place sorely!  But my hopes for an audio book have been cut short!  I tried to send an offer to the woman who auditioned, only to find out that she's super new too and didn't realize that she needed a home studio or acces to one. Which I understand totally, it's all confusing to me too. But it's still a bummer!  I guess I'll keep shopping!  I did send an offer out today, and am keeping my fingers crossed!

And then there's the death of movie actor Paul Walker!  I spent all day last Sunday hoping that it would turn out to be a hoax and finally had to accept that it was not.  I wasn't a huge fan, as I tended to find his characters somewhat annoying (which is why I would have wanted him to play Pastor Mark if my book was ever made into a movie lol). But he was one of my favorite actors. And all his undercover good deeds that are coming into more media coverage really kind of make me respect him more.  He was so much more than a pretty actor. He was a man who flew with teams into disaster zones as a 'first responder' to help and give aid...out of his own pocket.

I've had the house pretty much to myself today, although I've managed to write very little.  I have gotten some social media done, Facebook and Twitter, and even some Pinterest.  I've also started formatting to release Farmer's Daughter on Nook later next week.!!  Woot woot!  I have to do something for a cover though, and they don't have a program to build one right through them like Kindle did.  I will find something suitable and make it myself through PicMonkey.  I really enjoy that site!

There are a lot of thoughts on my mind right now, too many to include in this post.  Some I'm not sure I dare voice.  We will see what the week holds.  I do have Tuesday and Wednesday off, though the days will be filled with my mother's doctors appointment: it can be hard getting old!