Think Warm Thoughts

So I imagine I'm not the only one feeling the cold right now. I mean, it was -4F when I pulled myself out of bed this morning, after being in the cold for a few hours yesterday trying to thaw frozen pipes. Brrrrrr.....

So rather than dwell on the chill, let's ponder some warmer thoughts.

Like meatloaf. Fresh from my oven.

I didn't do too bad, even though I didn't have any sausage to mix with my ground beef. There were some fried onions in the pantry, so after I put a small fresh onion in it, I also dumped some if the fried...and saved a few for on top. Extra sharp cheddar cheese sliced up and 'stuffed' in the middle, to compliment the cheddar cheese goldfish I crushed up and used since I didn't have saltines. A little barbecue sauce on top and into the oven.

And was it ever good! I may have rushed my first piece a little, since it didn't hold form until I got it on my plate...but mmmmmmmmmmmmm......it didn't matter.

Since I've been struggling with my blood sugar recently (someone keeps forgetting to take her medicine), I didn't make mashed potatoes to go along with it. Or stuffing. Mr. Janney liked his stuffing. I just mixed a couple cans of veggies together and called it good.

Time will tell the damage done from the barbecue sauce. I really shouldn't have anything like that, even ketchup with my fries will wreak havoc on my blood sugar. But I hope I spread it thin enough to dilute it enough.

I just noticed my feet at the bottom of the picture. I don't know why, but that strikes me as funny. I've been in and out of the house so often that I've been leaving my shoes on. Usually I just wear flip flops around the house and slip my big winter boots on to walk the silly doggy.

Okay, back to warm thoughts.

How about a trip down memory lane to one of my beach visits?

Why not?

I love the beach and the ocean. One of my lofty dreams in life is to someday live ocean side. Mr. Janney thinks it's  not a wise choice, because of hurricanes. But since it's just a dream, I can have whatever I want without consequence, right? Something was said one day up to his parents and as silly as I am, I said I was going to raise magical force fields around my beach dwelling and everything would be alright. It was very amusing.

Something about the ocean, and sitting on the beach - or even just looking out of the motel room such as the picture featured - is enough to erase my anxiety. Except for the beach trip that we had the car accident on, but even then - laying back on the beach and looking at the stars while the ocean waves crashed was still enough to unwind the events of the day. But that was a different beach trip. The one the picture comes from is the time Mr. Janney and I took a jaunt down to the southern part of North Carolina for a rust-free gas tank for our car. A brand new one from the dealership would have cost a smooth $900 and we spent about half that to run down for this one. I suppose I could have chosen the tank in the center of the state that was similar in price (but they didn't have pictures and it was still on the car) but I felt that if I was going south for a gas tank, I was going to do it near enough to sleep by the ocean.

Of course, not only do I keep trying to take pictures while riding in a moving vehicle, but I also keep trying to take pictures of the moon on my cellphone. (You'd think Apple and Samsung would do something about that.) But this picture I grabbed that night isn't too bad. The focus really isn't even the moon, but rather the moonlight on the water.

I'll wrap this up now. I don't know if I really feel any warmer, but I feel more optimistic than what I had. Although, that may be the meatloaf talking...

Have a good night/day, and where ever you are, stay safe and warm.

What is in Front of You?

I don't know why I try to take pictures while riding in a vehicle. I mean, it's not even a 50/50 chance of getting a good shot. But I insist on trying anyway.

This photo was taken last Wednesday as we were returning home after all our appointments. I like water pics, and the river was so icy and cold looking, I tried even though I could see the cellphone was having trouble focusing. I thought I had it and pressed the screen, only to have the focus shift at the last second. I almost deleted the picture in frustration, but decided not to. Because I think it's a cool picture anyway. The background is all out of focus, but what is in focus are the water droplets right in front of me.

When my anxiety is high, I can't focus on anything. I can't get my ducks in a row because they're bouncing around like balls in a pinball game. All of them, all at once. It's frustrating, and only makes the anxiety worse.

Since I am unwilling to add one more medication to my long list of meds that I already take, I find myself resorting to other methods to try and corral those bouncing balls. The one thing I've found that is free (wine costs money, you know) is something called Mindful Meditation.

I'm not even sure if I'm doing it 'right', but it's enough to help. All I do, is force myself to focus on what is in front of me. There were times in the past, at previous jobs, where my insides where bouncing around so bad that I had my mind walk myself through the steps of my task at hand. It was enough to get me through the shift and usually the anxiety had passed. Until the next day, but that was probably because I was tired of working in the cold and a lot of the anxiety I was experiencing stemmed from that fact.

I have tried the traditional methods of meditating and praying. I've even tried yoga. Anything that puts me down on the floor, puts me on the same level as my dog and Jaclyn never fails to let me know it. I love her, but the best way she helps me with  my anxiety is to snuggle in my lap...her being in my face is just not as cute. Aside from snuggling with the 8-year-old pup, focusing on the moment and the next thing to do is what I have found to work best for myself. Do you struggle with anxiety? If so, how do you deal with it?

Speaking on 'the next thing to do', since I now have water back (idk if it was frozen or what) the next thing to do is switch the dishes around and do a load. Or take a shower. I'll flip a coin. I've tried taking a shower while the dishwasher runs...it turns out to be very chilly!!

Until next time, leave a comment if you'd like.

(I'm going to send this post over at Broads of a Feather too.)

Adventures in Sleep Apnea

As many of you know, I've been working on getting my Commercial Driver's License. Mr. Janney has already obtained his and starts his new job on Monday. Because I've had difficulties passing my road test, I had to file for an extension. Minor technicalities.

One requirement to even get a CDL permit, is a DOT physical. Because I met enough requirements for sleep apnea, I had/have six months to get tested and if diagnosed with it to get treatment. Once I got our medical coverage reinstated, I was able to get tested fairly quickly. The diagnosis was positive, I have 'mild sleep apnea'. My mother asked if that was like being 'borderline diabetic' to which I answered, 'probably'.

Many of the symptoms I live with could be attributed to my underactive thyroid. But since the sleep study said I have it, if I want to get my CDL then I had to get a C-PAP machine and use it at leat 70% of the time. So, once again, after I got my medical assistance straightened out, I had the new machine pretty quickly. I picked it up yesterday afternoon and began using it last night.

It's going to take some getting used to. It wasn't so much the air being pushed into my nose, but the mask itself. It just felt - funny. I'll give it a few more nights to see if it's something I can get used to or if I need to change masks. Mr. Janney wanted to know how I'd slept...'ok, I guess. I still woke up a few times.  I dreamt a lot...' He just laughed at that. And then laughed harder as I described some of the weirdness I'd dreamt.

sounds a bit Darth Vader-ish

He said he woke up once himself and couldn't get back to sleep because of the noise of either the machine or my breathing. The few times I woke up, it felt like my nose had slipped out of where it was supposed to be because I had air blowing straight up in my eyes.  So tonight when I go to put my astronaut mask on, I'll see if the straps needs tweaking. Like hubby reminded me, I don't want to get it too tight because that'll make the nose bone hurt and who wants that to happen??

The kind lady at Med Depot who set me up with everything, looked at my face to determine mask size - and tilted her head and said, "Everything's perfect." No one has ever looked at my face and said that before! It was a bit of an ego boost, even though it's just for a face mask fitting.

I'm only going to post this here, because my co-blogger on Broads was able to post over there again. If she continues, I will strive to make separate blog posts again. Until I can pass my road test and I head out on the road too...but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I'm signing off now, because I'm thirsty and need to get back to my edits. Everyone have a great day!

Wordless Wednesday 1-23-19

The Road Goes Ever On and On...

And sometimes there's road construction, detours, and unexplained delays!

Well, the good news first! Mr. Janney has successfully passed his CDL road test. The bad news to that is: I didn't and I have to start the process over! He gets to "Pass Go and collect $200" and I don't! Such is life, I guess.

I am disappointed in myself for failing, because I know this is something I can do. All my instructors at school agree with me. Some of it has been nerves, and some of this last failure is because I was just out of practice driving the big rig. I wasn't able to afford a refresher drive before this last test. Even though I drove part of the way down to the test sight, it just wasn't enough. But part of the reason why we fail is so we can learn from our mistakes.

But I am tickled pink that Mr. Janney has passed! I'm proud of him. This was his idea in the first place, something we'd talked about on and off for a while. We tried a year ago to apply to a truck driving school, but it didn't work out. By then the die was cast because he'd already quit his job. So we fell to Plan B. We'd continue as is until my surgeries were out of the way and try again. One thing led to another which in turn led us to the school we attended together and a job together.

Obviously, we won't be starting at the same time. But we were both talking with the recruiter last night and it won't be a problem. Mr. Janney will be through his training and running solo until I can join him, simple as that. It's not what we had planned, not even for Plan B...but sometimes in life you have to go through the entire alphabet to find what works! You just have to keep trying and not give up.

Easier said than done sometimes, I know. You know I know.

I'm a little anxious, but then I'd have been that way even if I'd passed and we were starting at the same time! I'll just use the late start to my part of the adventure to wind up my editing and reworking of my first two novels and continue to work book three. I know it's been forever for my fans, but it was the decision to make these changes which unlocked my writer's block and enabled me to work on book three again.

Though I can't see what's beyond the curve,
 I know the best thing is to keep on going.

As anxious as I am, I'm also excited. Because even though it's just one of us who's passed, we're still in this together. We're one step closer than we were before. I will take you all on this life's trip as much as possible. It's what I do, and why I have no problem posting about my failure and down times online. You get the good, the bad and everything in-between when I write here. Any silences are when I'm trying to process the bad and the down times...the only thing I can do. I hope you'll all stay with me on this journey.

Until next time, much love.