Wordless Wednesday 5-30-18

Ocean Isle, North Carolina

Too Much Fun?

Well, Saturday was a fun day and I paid for it on Sunday. That's one theory anyway. The achy pain and sluggishness I felt today could also be due to the gray rainy day it was. 

Saturday was my family's annual Memorial Day picnic. This is on my mother's side, though it often includes relatives from my dad's side as well. We either have it at RoundTop park, or the Waverly Glen Park. Each park has pros and cons. In more recent years we've held it at the Glen more often. I think there are more memories there for some of the older family members such as my mom and her sister.

How much is that doggy in the...mirror?

So Mr Janney and I were up earlier than our norm. Even off work we tend to stick to our second shift schedule. It can cause trouble sometimes, but since I plan on returning to work I see no point in altering my life any more than I need to.

We even took the dog along. Jaclyn was due for an outing anyway. It was a bright sunny day, and very warm.

Waverly Glen Falls

We reserved the pavilion closest to the falls, but there is still a decent distance to walk. Not quite a quarter mile one way. I walked up there twice, a few of the kids were back and forth all day. To be young again! Or a dog...because even Jaclyn got her paws wet!

We've had recent rain and the falls were flowing! I remember more than one year the falls were dry. Because of the nice weather, there were quite a few people out and about. I remember once or twice we've had the park to ourselves...like the one year back when I was in high school and it poured the entire time we were there. Being young and dumb, we played in the rain anyway. And then, I paid for my fun then too because that was the night I woke up in excruciating pain...was taken to the doctor's later the next day and learned I had a severe inner ear infection that had bubbles on my ear drum. That was not fun and actually was just the first of many,

But back to the present. The food was good. I had some things I shouldn't have, though I tried to keep my portions small. There is never a good time to start modifying your lifestyle and diet, but when there's any kind of family gathering with good food, it feels twice as hard. But then, any time is a good time to start down a healthier path. No time like the present and just do it and all that. I think my favorite cheat of the day was the S'more I had. Yes, just one...because I had already been "bad" with the banana bread and the sea foam salad. A little of something doesn't hurt, but a bunch of little somethings always add up!

My blood sugar was good when I got out of bed shortly after noon on Sunday. I was really happy with the number, I think it was 146. Down over 50 points what it used to be running. I think it's also worth noting that my blood sugar before bed was 107. So, YAY!!

But that was about the only thing that was good. My body was achy. I was tired, didn't want to get out of bed, much less move. It didn't get better as the day went on. We did go out to Mr. Janney's parents. Didn't do much because it was raining. Just hanging out is always good. I haven't taken my night time sugar yet, but will shortly as I am heading to bed once this post is up. Not even the A-Team can keep my eyes open!

I hope everyone who is celebrating Memorial Day has a safe day. Looking forward to staying home myself...well, as of right now anyway! We do tend to do things spontaneously sometimes, but more about that in another post.

Peace and love to you all!

Surgery and Happiness

My first book cover!

A long time ago, a friend asked me when I was going to be publishing my third novel. The same friend who framed my first novel cover and gifted it to me in a frame. I even started a blog post about it like I promised her and never got around to finishing it, so I'm gonna take a stab at it again.

One of the symptoms of depression is a lack of interest in your hobbies and activities that you like. And I have fought depression for as long as I can remember. Even in the midst of happiness, I was often able to feel the nagging low of depression beneath the surface. I have lost jobs because of depression and what would probably be diagnosed as PTSD. I've lost friends, because I wasn't able to keep in touch with them...or they decided that I was just too depressed for them to hang out with me.

And it has kept me from writing. I remember posting a tweet quite a few months ago that I was even so depressed that I didn't even want to read a book...something I think bothered my husband when he learned  that more than it had me. What can I say, I'm used to the depression at this point!

A lot of it was cyclic. I'd be more depressed around my monthly period, I don't know how much of it was hormones or the lack of conception. I'd try to write and nothing would come together, which made me even more bummed out. I'd eat sugary things to feel better...but then be bummed because my weight and blood sugars were going up.

This past year, after numerous doctors appointments that pretty much said, "Sorry, I don't know why you're not getting pregnant because there's nothing wrong with you." I became fed up with that entire part of my life. I changed doctors, and asked for a hysterectomy. This one said yes to it and after approval from my primary care doctor, it was scheduled. At first the doctor was just going to take the uterus, the ovaries he would leave if they looked good, and he'd also take my appendix if it was easy to get to...depending on whether he could do it all laparoscopically or if he had to open me all the way up. The day of the surgery we discussed it and I made the decision for him to take the ovaries no matter what they looked like...because I knew that if they stayed, I would still be stuck with the monthly hormonal flux.

After the surgery I was pleased to learn that he was able to do everything he needed without opening my abdomen up...and that it was a good call about the ovaries because they were a mess. Apparently the thing I'd always wondered for about 20 years was true. I had endometriosis.

Me after the dentist said I had good teeth!

I'm not going to go on a lot about that, as I've provided links if you want to see what it does to the female reproductive system. It is something that can't be diagnosed without looking on the inside. It is the reason why I wasn't ever going to get pregnant.

I was also thrilled to realize that a HUGE chunk of my depression was gone. The weight that had been suffocating me was no longer there. I'm just over 2 months after the surgery and I feel good. That's something I'm not really used to! Aside from the issue with my foot, I feel like I could conquer the world! I'm following the doctor and physical therapists orders, so I'm hoping things will be better with that in a few more weeks. It will help when I can get into the water for swimming, far less stress to the feet to exercise that way! I'm also seeing a nutritionist to help with my diet...I know I could easily google what I need to know, but I want the human connection to help get me (and hubby) started. It helps knowing that I have a food journal that she wants to see...I know I could lie on it, but that would be self defeating and I don't want that. I love that she didn't make me feel ashamed for the junk food on the last one...just 'yeah, you need to fix this.'

There's still a little bit left. It likes to come out after family drama, or financial headaches (it hurts not having both of us working). But that's far more manageable than what I used to go through. I laugh a lot more than I used to.

My new goal for my third novel is before the end of 2018. I have pulled the first novel out and am going to read through it, and then the second, to refresh my memory of the characters and where they've been and where they're going through...an idea I credit Tad Williams with because I recently read where he did exactly that to write a new trilogy for his Osten Ard world. I want to get my Craig and Angela stories done so I can move on to other projects. I have a post-apocalyptic story I want to do and another fantasy series I'd like to get back into.

You don't want to see a before pic!

Another thing that has been holding me back, aside from a crashed laptop (thank you Windows 10), is a cluttered desk. I'm a bit of a clutterbug, something I have been improving on over the years. But yesterday I did a lot of decluttering. I even said to Mr. Janney, 'Now that I've found my desk again, maybe I'll start using it again.' It's not quite organized, but it's a lot better than what it was. I got more done that I thought I would, which is always good!

I'm feeling pretty hopeful about things in general. I worry a little that the depression is going to come back, but I'll deal with that when and if it happens. Because life is too short to waste worrying about what 'might' happen. I'm actually a little excited to see what the future holds for Mr. Janney and I.

Wrapping up so I don't bore any of you! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Wordless Wednesday 5-23-2018

Squirrel!!

Medically relaxed before surgery

Boy, I sure do distract easily! I work on keeping these blogs active, then have one little surgery and blammo..."What's a blog?" My hubby picks on me all the time because just like the dog in Up I distract rather easily...hence the title!

That was back on March 7th. And here it is 2 months later. I have done a lot of binge watching different tv shows thanks to Ion, USA and WeTv. I have finished the Memory, Sorrow and Thorn trilogy by Tad Williams and am all set to start the The Last King of Osten Ard by same.

I have written a few words in my work in progress, but I am probably going to have to do the same as Mr. Williams did when he began to write his new trilogy...read the first books to refresh my memory.

Still off work at Easter but well enough to travel, Mr Janney and I took my mother to her sister's for the weekend. The biggest challenge I had that weekend was sleeping on our air mattress...getting back up was the hardest part, especially trying to do it without waking Mr. Janney. I never was able to, even though that one time I simple rolled out right onto the floor! Each time one of us even shifted, the other felt it. Still, it was a good weekend and worth that irritation.

I returned to work in mid April, probably a little too early but I was willing to give it a shot. I think if surgery had been my only issues I would have been able to soldier through it. But my life is never that simple. A few years back, at my previous job, I had some foot issues that kept me out of work for a few months. Guess what??? Different issues, same foot. It's probably both feet, but we only did MRI's on the one. When the doctor came in to discuss the results of said MRI's his leading line was, "It's probably be easier to list what's NOT wrong with your foot." Not very encouraging to say the least.

Everything from possible ganglion cysts to tendinitis to a chronic sprained ankle. Oh, and arthritis. Just regular arthritis - thankfully I tested negative for rheumatoid arthritis! And don't let me forget the fact that I apparently have an extra bone in my foot! I feel like a genetic freak sometimes. I'm in the middle of my second week of physical therapy, and the doctor and I will be talking about work on Wednesday.

Regardless of all that...my top two wisdom teeth will FINALLY be coming out on July 5th. They've been bothering me for a few years now and I decided I'd had enough. Since I've been getting everything else done, might as well just do it and get it over with.

"Really Mom...another picture?"

There have been a few other things I've been up to while I've been off on medical leave. But I think I'll break them up into a couple posts. Myself, I don't like reading overly long blog posts, so I try not to write them. I will say that my beautiful doggy Jaclyn has been very spoiled these past few months having both of us home (Mr Janney has been unemployed since February - more about that another time). I was working on organizing my desk earlier and found her laser light so I'm sure that'll be coming out and keeping her entertained sometime tomorrow.

Never giving up!!

One thing I'm going to be doing for a little bit, to save myself some energy, is copy and pasting these blog posts so that both of my blogs are kept active and hopefully relevant. And I'll still be posting pictures on Wednesday. Just because I like taking pictures, much to my husbands amusement. I have been using my Instagram quite a bit recently, as well as getting into Tumblr a little bit.

For now, take care and never underestimate me...I keep plugging away hoping to blossom just like my mom's dormant daffodils! I just hope I don't go through a decade long dormancy like they did! They've been steady for about 8 years now.

Never giving up!

Wordless Wednesday May 9 2018

2009 - after being dormant for 10 years

2018 Still going strong