Wordless August 9, 2017

Mr Janney in the Atlantic, July 31 2017

Happiness in a Jar 2015

So as I blogged a year ago, I was going to keep track of the things in daily life that made me happy.  I will be honest, I failed to do this for the entire year.  I'm not sure what happened, but somewhere in the middle of the summer I just stopped putting things in every day.  I never even got around to decorating it like I wanted to.

Still looks like this...

I went through what was in there the other night, reading some of them out loud for my husband's enjoyment.  There were a few random entries for July and August, but for the most part June was the last month I was placing slips of paper into it.

It was amusing.  Not sure if my husband would agree with that.  I suspect I may have been annoying him a little bit since he was playing GTA V, but he never told me to stop so I didn't.  I could also be wrong as he can be a bit hard to read during this game.

Anyway, I marked down how many times certain things were repeated.  Because, well, I thought it would interesting to see what won out.  And it would help make this post even more interesting.  It turns out, it was very revealing about myself.

I knew I had put in several times about receiving affection from my husband,  What can I say?  I like his touch and it makes me happy and content!  BUT - oddly enough, it ranked third...and only beat our reading and writing by about 4.  Of course, I mainly wrote down physical affection, hugs, kisses and the like.  If I add in other kinds of affection, like him helping with chores, then that would put it in the lead.  Like the time he brought me junk food and wine because he knew I wasn't feeling good (read: depressed).

Which leads into the second place winner in this little happy contest.  Food.  I've known for a long time that I "feed my emotions", but seeing the numbers was a little unsettling.  Granted, some of those times were commenting about how we had been treated out somewhere, usually Chinese.  But still, there was one day I wrote down "Peanut Butter Cups".  I think Oreos got a mention too.  I am already watching what I eat this year, trying to get my blood sugar stabilized again and my weight down.  I am going to be having surgery on my foot soon and the doctor already told me he is expecting me to actively be losing weight at the time of the surgery.  I'm also going to try to focus on less food related happiness.  Given how tight our finances are at the moment (the reason for the GoFundMe link in the side of the blog), such treats are going to be few and far between for a while anyway.

Sadly, what came out on top, was how many time I commented on not having to work.  There were quite a few 'short days', even if it was 8.5 hours instead of 9.  Several days when we just didn't work, either Saturday or when they "darkened" us on a Monday.  It emphasized to me just how unhappy I am in my present job.  Not a surprise, but it was enough to make me think about it.  I know I'd like to go back to school for something. but again, given our finances, now isn't the best time.  Maybe in the fall once Mr. Janney and I have healed up from our torn tendons and are back to working fulltime.

Hopefully, you'll be seeing more of me this year.  One of my goals this year is to be more consistent with my blogging and social media.  I'm not off to a great start, but there is a lot of year left still.  We might not all be off to a great start, but there is plenty of time for that to change. (keeping fingers crossed).  I have been on Twitter more this year, not tweeting anything too inspirational I'm afraid, but nothing negative either.  Just getting into the habit of looking and saying something.  I've also been working on photo's to share.

And when it comes to the Happiness Jar, I'm off to another good start.  I've moved it to a more visible spot, got two small pads of paper to write on and plenty of pens.  I wonder what I'll learn about myself this year?

Did you do a happy jar last year?  Did you do better than I and stick with it?  I'd love to hear about it!

It's Time to Bare ALL

Black on black....

What a week I had last week! Monday was pretty laid back.  We didn't work, which was good since I didn't get home from a trip to New York State until 11 the night before.  So I hung out with my husband and helped him with the project his boss had him working on - painting a 20 foot trailer.

It was a good day; I've always liked working with my husband.

However, it will probably be the last Monday I'll have free in a while, as work seems to be picking up.  At least, that's what we're being told at the moment.  I've seen things change pretty quickly before.  Like the day the daily minutes declared that we seemed to be approaching our busy season...and it wasn't long after that we were having our Monday's "blackened".  We've worked a few on and off the past few weeks, but this approaching Monday will see all departments back to work.  While I hope it lasts, I could do without the 9 and 1/2 hour days!  It's a killer on the feet!  And the hands...and the back...You get the idea.

Wednesday, I had finally had enough of the pain in my foot that Advil won't even touch, and I stopped by a local Wine and Spirits shop and picked up a bottle of my beloved Red Cat wine.  But before I indulged in a glass, hoping to dull the pain, I decided I had had enough with my hair.

Three summers ago, my husband (this was pre-marriage actually) got tired of my complaining about my long hair.  It used to be past my shoulders, although I've now forgotten how long it was that first time.  He asked me if I really wanted to follow through with my threats to just shave it all off.  With his electric razor in his hand.  I hemmed and hawed...and he very subtly dared me to do it by suggesting I was a coward.

This is a beautiful woman...

And why wouldn't I be afraid to?  After all, a woman is meant to have long hair right? The bible says so.  And I have family members who very devotedly follow those verses - while ignoring Apostle Paul's clause at the end saying that neither he nor the church has any such custom/requirement.  I knew that I would be judged, from every corner of my existence.  Except maybe from my husband.  And since I don't like being called a chicken any more than Marty McFly, I let him take my hair off.  Almost to the scalp.

I can't begin to describe what a liberating event that was, and continues to be since I have done it every summer since.  I learned just how vain I was and am.  I'll be honest - I look really goofy with no hair.  But I love it.

For some reason, "Because I want to." is never a good enough explanation for people. I'm not sure why.  Why do I need a detailed list of the reasons why I do this?  Why isn't my desire to do so enough?

True, I have a list:

• I like how it feels.  My head feels so light and the cool spring air feels absolutely delicious against my almost bare skin.  I do have to take care that I don't burn, so I tend to keep it covered when I'm outside, or at work (work is a lot colder than the outside)
• I save time.  Both when showering and afterwards.  I can wash what little hair I have in a jiffy.  And I don't have to style it.  Not that I ever style it for work, but when I go out I would try to make sure the back curled just so and the sides were resting just so.
• I save money.  I buy one bottle of shampoo a year.  I only started using conditioner again this past winter after I colored my hair and thought it felt dry.  Should I continue conditioning after I get some growth back, it'll probably just be a bottle a year for that as well.
• It's a lot easier to wet my head in the summer than if I had more hair.  Just a quick splash and I'm so much cooler.
• I like how it feels when my husband runs his hand over my head.  Granted, I just like his touch in general, and it makes no difference whether I have hair or not.  But it's still one of my reasons.
• It's also easier to wear a hair net and hard hat at work.  No strands of hair falling out, a hard hat that fits better.

But "Because I want to" ought to be a good enough reason.

I've been thinking about this on and off all weekend.  In fact, my husband and I discussed it on Saturday as we were out and about.  And I'm going to be honest.  All the flack I've gotten in the past is worth this feeling.  I haven't gotten too much this year, as it's no longer shocking to people.  Many people have accepted it's that time of year and Robin's going to shave her head.  What they say behind my back is between them and their conscience.

Happy

I am lucky to have a husband who cares more about who I am as a person than what I look like physically.  Apparently he's had a few conversations himself with others over my hair, and has defended my choice.  It makes me happy, he says, and that makes him happy.  Many women are not so lucky.  Men who want their women to 'look like women' regardless over their own desire to buzz their hair off (I wonder what happens should those women lose their hair due to age or illness??).  It is just hair, and it will grow back.

This distresses me to a degree, because as the girl I overheard in Walmart said, deep in conversation with her friend over a comment regarding how she wore her hair on recent occasion: "It's my hair, I'll wear it how I want."  I have nothing against a woman looking nice, having long hair and so forth, if it's something she wants.  I like looking nice, but I prefer being comfortable.  Every woman should be able to wear their hair as they like.

And I think I still look feminine, regardless of my hairstyle. Those who mistake me for a man are seeing through eyes jaded with cultural mores.  Or rather outdated customs as our society is ever evolving and struggling into a more equal society.  If a man can have long hair, why can't a woman have short hair - or no hair - if that is her choice.  It's not about gender or sexual identity, it's about choice and what their preference is.

Granted, I don't pull off the look as well as Sinead O'Conner ever did, but I can live with that.  I still look like me, and more to the point - no matter what I look like, I'm still the same person.  Cute, adorable, and lovable.  Smart, sassy, and independent.

My hair doesn't define me any more than my weight does.



2014 ~ Liberation

My 'Cheesy' Happiness Jar!

The Happiness Jar is not a new idea to me.  I've heard of it a few different times over the years.  But this year I've decided to actually do it.  I've picked out a jar - an empty cheeseball container!  It's more serviceable than pretty, but I might decorate it over the year.  I think that would be fun.  I know I've got stickers somewhere!  I'll post another pic at a later date.

You can read about the Happiness Jar here where +Peg Fitzpatrick blogged about it.  She is a constant source of inspiration and encouragement for me, even when there is no interaction between her and I on her Google+ posts.  It's just who she is, and I am glad for it.  She is always positive and upbeat, a much needed combination in today's world.  If she is ever down, it never appears on line.

As you can see from my photo, I've already added today's piece of paper.  I've decided to use up some old 'fancy' stationary, as I seldom use it for actual letter writing.  For that I tend to use ruled notebook paper because I can't write a straight line without guides or I totally cheat and write it on the computer.  For the time being I'll keep it on top of the refrigerator.  Today's happy moment was quite simple, we spent about $30 at Kmart today but between gift cards and Kmart points, we only paid about $3 out of pocket.  AND ~ I got to spend time with my husband away from his Xbox!  That's always nice.

Happiness doesn't always have to be something big and grand.  Often times, it's the smallest simple things that make a person happy.  Like blueberry muffins for tomorrow's breakfast.  Knowing that I have enough Tide for laundry.  An over abundance of bread, bought not because of the impending snow storm but because neither one of us was sure how much we had in the freezer.  With all the unknowns in life that can weigh on us, these little things are needed.

I doubt Mr. Janney will participate with me by adding anything over the year, although he has surprised me before.  But he did say that next New Years Eve he would read them off with me.  I consider that a date!  :)

Thinking it's time to get some writing done.  I've just had so much trouble concentrating the past few weeks.  I'm not sure if it's his constant chatter with his Xbox buddies, or just the holidays and the normal money pinch.  Either way, I will keep pegging away at it until my novel is done enough to rest.  It's not quite writer's block, been there done that!  But it is irritating.  I let writer's block keep me down for too many years to succumb to this minor irritation of being in a mental slump.  Even if I only write a few new words a day, I won't consider that a failure.  I will be happy for those few words.  Because I've seen how they can explode into whole chapters at any moment!

I just hope using a cheeseball container for my Happiness Jar doesn't mean that it's going to be a cheesy year!

2014 ~ Full Speed Ahead