More Venting

 

As I mentioned in my previous post, my health has been giving me some issues this past year. From a knee scope in January just to be told I need to lose weight before I can have a needed total replacement done, to thyroid meds working overtime. I even fell over a month ago and because I didn't want to land on that bad knee, I tried going down on an angle and instead managed to sprain that knee.

I've been diagnosed with IBS. We've been playing with my diabetic meds, some of which play havoc with the digestive system so it's twice as much fun.

The irony of this, is that one of the many reasons I wanted to switch to driving local was to get a handle on my health issues. It is very hard to eat healthy driving over the road; not impossible, but I was not managing well. When there's a constant push to keep the truck moving, fast and easy was the usual go-to. My sugars were running high, and I was gaining weight.

And then I came home and my knee began bothering me, making both issues harder to manage. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. My self talk has gotten horrendous. I can't seem to stop eating, self medicating the depression, so I've begun asking myself if the food is worth my life ... literally asking myself 'Do you want to die?' every time I go for something sweet. It doesn't help.

To be honest, I'm sick of vegetables. I take a baggie of raw veggies along with me when I drive, and by the second or third day - I just can't stand them anymore. And I'm taking veggies I like and/or can tolerate. There have been many weeks that by the end, I'm just carting the baggie around. I'll eat the small bag of snacks I've brought, pita crackers and nuts, and  my protein bar, and that'll be it.

I'm also tired of cooking and meal prep in general. But I'm the only one here that will cook, so If I don't make something, we're gonna go hungry. I have a hard time standing for any length of time, so I make a lot of quick meals that I don't need to stand over the stove for. (looking at you Pampered Chef Quick Cooker) But even that is trying my patience.

I've begun going to the local bariatric center for diet help. But I don't feel like I'm being heard, so I don't know.

For so many reasons I can't go into online, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.