Hurry Up and Wait

It doesn't matter what job I've work at, "Hurry up and wait..." has been a recurring theme.

Rush to meet the deadline of one kind or another, only to stand around waiting for the other shoe to drop - for the last page of the newspaper to arrive, for the cow line to get moving again, for the rush order cabinet door to be made and put through the final process of sanding. And now, we 'rush' to get the deliveries made on time all week while I try to learn the ins and outs of real life trucking, only to find myself twiddling my thumbs on the weekends.

Hela vs the Valkyries needs to be a movie of its own...

You'd think I'd welcome this "free time". I could use it to write or read. Work on either Bigger than the Beetles, the third book in my series, or on a blog post. Even blog ahead if I was smart. Instead, I sit here at my laptop binge watching old episodes of Deep Space 9. Okay, I also watched Ant-Man and the Wasp as well as Thor Ragnarok (the best Thor movie and in the top 5 for the Marvel movies in general in my opinion). Right now I have A Solo Story lined up to watch next, once I'm done cooking. But then I'll go back to Deep Space 9...although the more I watch the Harry Potter movie on the tv, the more I'm tempted to just keep watching that! It's early yet and I won't be going back to work until sometime tomorrow, so maybe I'll manage all of it!

I'm struggling with depression this weekend, with a smattering of anxiety. Some of it stems from the bit of the squabble I had with my trainer shortly before week's end. Some of it stems from being in a strange place all by myself. Granted, I'm in the same nice hotel I was last weekend, so it's not as strange as it was. I managed to go to Walmart today without panicking, and that's always a plus. I have 232 training hours left before I can join my husband and we can bring our dog along, thus reducing my anxiety and depression, and it seems unbearably long at this moment.

missing my girl :(

I did put in a call to the company's Student department, and we're going to see if we can fix the schism between me and my trainer. There was so little communication between she and I on Friday, that I don't know whether it can be fixed. It all boils down to poor communication in the first place. We shall see.

Just one more hiccup in this journey we call life. I know that I'll get through this and come out for the better. No doubt I'll use it for the characters in my stories. I just need to get through the worse part of this momentary bout the blues before I can channel it into their angst. I hate this part of my depression - I can never write when I'm in this certain spot. Pisses me off because writing makes me happy. I've never understood this quirk.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day, whether you're celebrating Easter or Passover or neither.

And We're Off - Sort of

I have started my training for the company...sort of. My trainer is on a dedicated route, and doesn't run on the weekends. Which means I've only been training for like two and a half days (was picked up late Wednesday afternoon and drove back)...and I'm already back in a hotel.

It's just for the weekend. Trainer will be calling my Sunday to let me know when I'll be picked up again (either Sunday night or Monday morning I think.) It'll be a day later next weekend because of the holiday (the store we deliver to will be closed on Sunday). It will make it harder to get my training hours, which is sucky - but on the flip side even after a couple days, I was ready for a break from the top bunk (pictured). Talk about anxiety triggering claustrophobia. I haven't had a true 'attack' but I'll be damned if I can sleep longer than a couple hours at a time.

So I slept late today and am just taking it easy for the moment. Watching Men in Back II and catching up on Clash of Clans and...I might even write later today. I am so much more comfortable in this little hotel room than I was in the one they had us in during Orientation and training. It's like a little apartment, even has a kitchen! A full size fridge and a little stove, even a dishwasher! Not that I'm probably going to use any of it. But it's nice to know that it's there if I wanted to. I might go out to Walmart later today...I need to get some allergy medicine too - my sinuses are killing me.

Training begins in earnest on Monday. I hope. A little nervous about backing in the real world, especially since my trainer has already proven to be a little impatient when it comes to back. I tried at the one store, she ended up getting in and finishing it herself. The store  employees opening the dock doors made her feel rushed I think. Well, next week is a new week. Maybe I'll have to tell her what I told the one instructor at school...just leave me alone and let me figure it out on my own, I'll ask for help if I need it. I know what I have to do, I just sometimes get my angles backwards. It doesn't help that none of the real world situations have looked "text book" but I think I should be able to figure it out...eventually.

I snapped a selfie while I was Off Duty in the passenger seat...

I did make myself proud yesterday on the drive back from Philly. Across the top of a double-deck bridge, and through a tunnel. Two things that I don't like. But I did it, without flinching. I said to my trainer after we were off the bridge, "Is now a good time to say I'm terrified of heights?" She was surprised, said she hadn't been able to tell from how I handled the bridge...and later said she hadn't warned me about the tunnel coming up to see how I would handle that since it made sense to her that if I was afraid of heights I'd also be bothered by the tunnel. It wasn't a surprise, because I had been reading the signs for a while...but I also didn't ask if we'd be going through it because I was afraid the answer was going to be yes! Silly, I know. But she says I handled the tunnel well too. I did the only thing there was to do...just drove on. Focused on the task at hand.

Which is all I can do right now. Focus on learning what I need to so I can become a 'qualified' driver and get teamed with Mr. Janney. One thing at a time!

Until next weekend, be safe out there.

Ready...Set....

Waiting on the GO!

If all goes as planned - which has seldom happened this past year - I should be meeting my company driving trainer late tomorrow afternoon.

I'm excited and nervous all over again.

All over again because the last time I was assigned a trainer, last week, turned out to be a false alarm. Not sure if it was a lack of communication (on others' part, not mine) or just bad timing. Especially since the initial phone number I was given turned out to be a wrong number! Regardless, it's over and done with and I was assigned a new trainer yesterday. And this time the number was the right one!

This trainer sounds as nice as the first one, so I'm optimistic again. It's hard forming an opinion of someone based on how they sound on the phone. Honestly, she sounds like a little old granny to me, so I think she sounds nice.

Isn't she adorable?

I've been trying to keep myself busy as I've been waiting. We aren't allowed to check out of the hotel, so I'm feeling the miles between me and my doggy right now. I know she's being taken good care of, I get the occasional picture, but it's hard when I hear reports of her not eating well. There's nothing I can do for her except get through my training as soon as I can without cheating myself out of learning time.

My trainer runs a dedicated route, so I won't be getting out of the east coast. Which kind of bums me, but once I can join Mr. Janney on his truck that will change so there's that much. If I understood my trainer correctly, I'll probably be in a motel room at least one day a week on the weekend. It is what it is. As long as I get trained correctly.

To keep myself entertained while I wait, I've read two books and watched a lot of Ion and USA when I haven't been doing one thing or another at the Terminal. I've been through the simulator and let me tell you it sucked - the motion of the screens as I pretended to drive around a virtual rig made me dizzy because I wasn't actually moving. I'd rather play GTA any day, and I hate GTA.

I've tried writing on Book 3. It's been hard because I've been battling depression and anxiety over the entire trainer issue from last week. I have made progress, but there has been more than one night I've opened the file only to add one word here and there before calling it good. Of course, right now I've got the excited anxiety going on so I might not be able to write much tonight because I'm too high strung with hope.

Hopefully I'll be able to check in later this weekend. Have a good week all.

Daffodils outside the hotel