Waiting on the Weather

That blue dot is me! lol

Remember those days in our youth when snow days were fun? We didn't have to get up early, or if we did we got to go back to bed. Either way, we didn't have to go to school and we got to play in knee deep snow. (we have pictures of me as a young teen with snow above my knees - somewhere)

It's not so much fun when you're an adult and your road tests depends on the weather. As of right now my next retest is scheduled for 11 tomorrow morning...and there is a wintry storm beginning even as I type this. I've emailed briefly with the school's directer and he's told me all the variables that he's taking into consideration regarding tomorrow's test. Right now, it's a waiting game.

Judging from the radar and what they're predicting, I think the odds of my test being rescheduled are on the high side. On one hand, I want us all to be safe - and if DOT shuts the roads down or imposes a Commercial Vehicle ban it'll be out of our hands anyway. On the other hand, I had a pretty good road drive yesterday with more good shifts and turns than bad. AND I'm still overflowing with confidence because of my solo road trip to Michigan and back again.

Mr. Janney had a few days off because his trainer did, and because the trainer lives in Michigan and is taking his days off there, that's where hubby's days off are. Over 500 miles one way and I did it all by myself.

I know that might sound strange from someone who is working on getting her CDL and becoming an over the road trucker. No doubt some of my troubles passing my road test stems from a lack of self confidence. I've always had a lack of confidence in myself, and this trip was a definite boost in that area. I was somewhat familiar with the first leg of the journey as it's the same way we took to visit my cousins in Indiana a few years ago. And 86 through NY is almost desolate for large stretches of the highway. It got interesting when the highways took me through Cleveland, Toledo, and Detroit. I just turned my music off so I could concentrate on the traffic and road signs, which my map GPS usually warned me about with enough advanced warning to move to the left or the right.

Which is when I got an idea on how to overcome my nerves with the road test examiner. I decided I was just going to pretend he's my GPS. I talk to her all the time traveling, saying 'thank you' and 'It would have been nice to know about that a mile ago' even though she's pre-programmed and can't respond. One of the things we have to do during a road test, is to give a hazard commentary. We have to call out hazards we see...or potential hazards. Things like speed limits and bridge heights.

I did run into some mild wintry weather on the way back from Michigan. Snow mixing with sunshine outside and through Cleveland. It was pretty and a  bit mesmerizing to see the high rise buildings through the bright snow. I wish I could have taken a picture of it. But since I was the one driving, I did my best to drink it in. Of course, here at home I can just stick my head out my door and take a picture of the falling snow. Each area has it's own beauty. I enjoy the country as much as the city. Of course, if you know me at all, you know I prefer the beach over both...especially over snow.

On 86, there was more steady snowfall with a bit sticking to the road. Not a lot, but enough I cut my speed. And felt like I was in danger of being hypnotized by the snow. Which was sometimes illuminated by the full moon. Which was even cooler than snow and sunshine. The night almost seemed to glow around me as I drove. I was talking with Mr. Janney on this leg of the trip and it was nice to have that company. I'm so glad we had a large enough tax refund to buy him a cellphone for his job. I know I could have spent that money on needed bills, but he is reaching the part of his training where the cellphone was going to be a necessity.

I'm going to wrap this up now. I have to get on top of the things I need to do today before the day is over and this blog post is my only achievement. It would be so easy to just binge watch Blue Blood reruns, or pop in the latest DVR recording of I Am the Night and just waste the day away, but I'm going to save that delight for later. And I really do have a few chores I need to knock out of the way before I get back to writing Book 3!

You know me, I'll keep everyone updated on the status of the test.

Have a great day everyone! Stay safe!

Do - or Do Not...Try, Try again?

Wait - I thought only Sith believed in absolutes?!?!

Not the most catchy of titles I guess, so it may change. We'll see.

I put off posting because I was hoping to post how I had passed my CDL road test and would be starting my training next week. Sadly, I didn't pass.

Again.

This is failure number four. I keep making different mistakes, so there's that much I guess. It's not like I'm not learning from them. And I no longer know if the failings are justified or if the examiner is being too picky like my teacher claim. Even my husband has suggested that the examiner is just looking for a reason to fail me because of my gender. I mean, how can I impede traffic on a double lane when my tractor is only just breaking the white line?

Because that's what failed me this time. I was demonstrating the emergency stop and failed to put my shifting splitter down so that when I tried moving again, my gear was too high and I stalled my rig. And because that front corner had begun to breach the lane, I was "impeding traffic" which is an automatic failure. Even though I was reentering a double lane highway, and there was nothing approaching in my lane anyway - otherwise I wouldn't have tried moving) but...I did neglect to double-check my splitter, so ... Mr. Too-Picky or not, it's still my own fault right?

I am really struggling with this. There are so many people who have faith in me, whether it is the teachers who've ridden with me (I've NEVER stalled the rig before...) or my own husband who's waiting for me to pass so I can join him in driving. I'm terrified they're going to lose faith in me.

Mostly because I'm losing faith in myself. Even though I know I can safely drive a rig. I mean, I've done it so many times. For whatever reason, I can't seem to stop messing up during the exam. And I've even tried building a rapport with this examiner - who's tested me three different times now - in hopes that I can stop being nervous with him. I mean, he seems like a nice enough guy. He just wields the pen that determines my job and financial future - so, yeah, no pressure.

Maybe I need to wear my tiara to my next test
to channel my inner goddess? Fans of Lore Olympus
will understand that context best ;)

I know this mood will pass, that I'll dust myself off and try again. No matter what Yoda says - there has to be room for failure when you're learning new things, because like Nick said when he was still a teacher at the school, you learn from your failures. So I'm sitting here at my laptop, the third installment of my series open and ready to be worked on, listening to Imagine Dragons because they always sheer me up. Maybe eating some crappy sugar free chocolate. Thinking about making pot roast.

I haven't heard from the school today, so I'm going to guess they weren't able to squeeze me into the test schedule tomorrow. I knew it would take the planets aligning just right for that to happen, so I'm not too surprised. There's probably more cons than pros about that, I mean every extra day I'm not behind the wheel practicing the skills I've learned allows those skills to get rusty. Which increases my chance of failing once again.

How many failures can my spirit take? I'm already thinking about asking Mr. Janney how upset he'd be if I just call it quits. I'm not going to quit, but the thought is there. What happens if I fail two more times? Do I get another extension for my permit and keep on trying? Do I accept defeat and just ride along as a passenger with him once he's released from training? There are other things I could do to earn money while riding along.

But - for all the people I know who have faith in me, I know there are those who don't think I can do this. And that has always been a catalyst for me. I have to prove them wrong. I've done it at the last three jobs I've worked, and even in the relationship that's lasted over ten years now.

So, as I said, today's mood will pass and I know I'll keep tying. The last I talked with Mr. Janney, he and his trainer were waiting on a load to be finished somewhere outside of Chicago so they could take it to Columbus, Ohio. So far, he has been in Nebraska, Texas, Mississippi, and Wisconsin. And all the states in between! He says they mostly take toll roads, which makes sense.

Alrighty then. I'll wrap up this pity party and start getting back on track. I'll leave you with this delightful Imagine Dragons video: