Wordless Wednesday 08-22-2018

Mom - quit taking my pic and take me outside...

When Words Fail

One of the hardest things for me to deal with when I'm depressed is when people ask me what's wrong.

Granted, the person in question is my husband, but he's not the first one to ever ask me this question when I've admitted to being depressed before.

Many people don't understand. Sometimes there is absolutely nothing wrong in a person's life when they're dealing with depression.

Other times...it's everything. Everything is wrong. And you know it's not really everything, it's just your perspective about everything...but that doesn't change your perspective, it just makes the depression worse because you feel it's your own damn fault. Which isn't true, and you know it's not true, but you can't convince yourself to FEEL that it's not true.

Because sometimes life is hard, other people fail you, things don't go as planned and everything you had all figured out suddenly needs to be rearranged and you have to start all over again. I guess better now than twenty years from now.

On the bright side, I have finished my re-write of my second novel. And my re-edit. I'm not ready to re-release the first two novels yet. I'm still frustrated with CreateSpace but I'll get it figured out. So...I'm going to let those two novels sit while I see how much of the third I can get hammered out before I need to shift gears in my life.

I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

Hope you all have a good week.

Much love.

p.s. I'm also very itchy. idk if it's the depression or if I'm having an allergic reaction to life

Slipping!

The road in front of the trailer park where I live
Nowhere near as bad as '11
When both lanes were shut down

I am slipping this week! I didn't even post my usual Wordless Wednesday. But then it's been an off week here.

Our area of the US received days of rain, which ended up resulting in flooding. Depending on location, it was either more or less severe than the floods of both 1972 and 2011 when Tropical Depression Lee waltzed through. The flood of '72 was the remains of Hurricane Agnes.

This year's flooding was not the result of anything like that...it was just a normal Low-pressure system that stalled over our region here in NY and PA. Every time I checked the radar for this storm, all the rain was doing was moving in a counter-clockwise spiral.

The worst part is, the storm stalled after other little storms had already moved through and left damage from flash-flooding. One area library had to close back in the beginning of August because of water damage. They hadn't even finished with the clean-up when this latest storm hit...and I was dismayed at what ended up happening to this library.

The building...washed out...into the road.

I don't like sharing pictures I haven't taken, so I've provided the link to a public Facebook post of the damage.

Bridges are out, roads are still closed.

I haven't gone out investigating, I have been content to stay out of the way and look at Facebook posts of other's less fortunate than I. C.P. Stringham has had to evacuate from her house several different times over the course of this crazy wet summer.

The only ones liking this weather!

On a personal note, my blood sugars are good enough that I have been given permission by my doctor to drop one of my meds. Next Sunday will be the last day I give myself the weekly shot I've been doing for a few months. Once I can get health insurance again, I can have my A1C numbers taken. I still have to take the two pills, but if the numbers stay good...things are looking good for more reductions. Mostly just being hyper-vigilant on the foods I eat and when I eat them.

Which means I dream about stupid things like making recipes my friends on Facebook share...like the Oreo filled, candy bar topped brownies. You'd think that would be the best place to indulge in forbidden foods right, right? Well, the worst part of the dream...was that I didn't even get to taste them! Better luck next time I guess!

Until next time, stay dry!

Much love! :)

Quietly Thinking

So, I've been on the quiet side recently. Just posting pictures and I'm sure you know what that means if you've been around following me long enough.

Depression has been visiting again.

I was kind of expecting it, especially when it came time for me to try going back to work. I kid you not, I was in tears as I drove myself to work that first afternoon. Four hours into shift the tears were now because of the pain I was in from being back on that concrete floor and that didn't exactly help the depression either. I thought - I'm right back where I started out at, if not worse. I won't go into the details, but I no longer work for the factory.

Instead, I am waiting for my 401K to be available so that I can pursue a new line of work. Mr. Janney had originally planned on being at my side for it, however, his driving record isn't good enough at the moment so I will have to go to truck driving school on my own. I am not exactly pleased about this, but then...life doesn't always go as planned, does it? A line from Ring of Fire: Does the future never scare you? Yes, all too often.

So yeah, I'm dealing with circumstantial depression hoping it doesn't turn into chemical depression. (Keeps fingers crossed) And honestly, I don't even want to talk about the anxiety at the thought of driving a big rig even brings to me. But that is probably another subject for another day. I've already had my first nightmare about it...driving into the median to avoid hitting vehicles in front of me.

I've still been working on my stories. The Farmer's Daughter is out to a few different people for a read through. I've made the original set of changes to Ring of Fire and have sort of finished my own first read through of the draft...it was a struggle when I reached a certain point, because I'm still struggling with the center where I'm STILL doing too much telling and not enough showing (Curse you Dragon Queen aka Veronica!). I think she scares me almost as much as she does Craig, the male protagonist. So right now, I'm going through Ring again fixing typos and looking for that center fudge to fix.

And yes...I've also been working on Book Three aka Bigger than the Beetles. Right now as I'm typing this post, I have four words documents open (Farmer's, Ring, Beetles, and one for flashback freewriting) And four internet tabs open (blogger, Youtube playing music - Mumford and Sons at present) Facebook, and one random tab for googling stuff - like hair colors, and drug interactions. Which - if you ever want some eye candy, google black men with hazel eyes...oh my...)

Wordless Wednesday 08-08-18

Wordless Wednesday 08-01-2018

Mr Janney and I waiting on at the pharmacy