Thursday Video

If you haven't seen this on any of my other pages, here it is again. Trying to add to my platform! Much love! Leave a comment, look for new vid on...Tuesday? I think...as impulsive as I can be sometimes, it may change. You'll know when I do! :)

Wordless Wednesday June 27 2018

Cucumber

'Tis the Season

What season you may ask?

Graduation season!

And when students graduate, there are parties.

I have two to attend this summer. A nephew of mine who lives just over the border in New York, and C.P. Stringham's youngest daughter as well.

Kenzi's party was Saturday. We were late because Mr. Janney forgot about it and didn't come to bed until eleven Saturday morning. The food was good, the hostess was the mostess and Kenzi seemed to be having a fun time.

Mr. Janney and I have been having a lot of late nights...a.k.a. we're staying up all night and don't go to bed until anywhere from 5-7 am. He's doing what you expect...xboxing. Although the way he yells at his Xbox friends makes me glad they're not his enemies! They have a truly unique relationship which probably wouldn't work in the real world.

I, of course, have been hard at work retyping Farmer's Daughter. I have it saved on OneDrive so I never lose it again. I may have to do the entire retyping thing for Ring of Fire as well because I can't seem to find the CD it was saved on. I was sharing with Mr. Janney just today that I'm happy with some of the changes I've made to Farmer's...some of it has been minor personality changes which better fit the storyline...some scenes had been combined/restructured or both...some of the side characters have been showing up more, a few of them have extra scenes. Of course, one minor change here, another minor change here...can have a domino effect I hadn't planned on, but I'm confident it'll all work out in the long run. I know it's just me, but I think it's flowing a little smoother than the original...flowing a little more like Ring does.

My nephew's graduation party isn't until the 7th of July...and I'm kind of looking forward to it. Kind of...because I'm having my top two wisdom teeth removed 2 days before! I'll have to ask my brother if there's any mushy food on the menu!

Going to keep this Monday blog short because it's late in the day and I want to get it posted.

Until next time, much love!

Wordless Wednesday June 20 2018

Photo Credit: Sara Slater

What Do You Write?

I was asked this question today, and the simple answer is Romance. But I'm not certain my novels are strictly Romance.

Because there is some mystery thrown in, some supernatural activity which gives a lead into the fantasy element...One of my characters is a demon named Beast who operates to foil the characters romance in an effort to change the power structure of his little kingdom.

There is also the quasi-character of the Dragon Queen...in The Farmer's Daughter, she is the dream representation of one of the main character's abusers. How this character changes in the dream is indicative of how Craig perception of her crime changes, giving her less and less power over him and his life. Does he forgive her? Not necessarily. But he no longer lets her actions rule him.

We see more of the Dragon Queen's real-life persona in the sequel, Ring of Fire, and we realize there's more to the Dragon Queen than just Craig's imagination. Because it's hinted at, that the Dragon Queen has started entering Angela's dream as well...and that the physical realm and the dream realm are connected, as seen in the thunderstorms at the novel's end.

And some of that is the influence of my own love of fantasy novels. Although I once got rid of some of my books because I thought they were somehow sinful, I have since changed my mind...not only do I own the complete Harry Potter series (thanks to my mother-in-law) but I also rebought and completed my collection of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. Including the prequel novel. As well as Tad William's Memory Sorrow and Thorn series. And the Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson. You get the idea :)

The one element missing from my novels would be science fiction. Maybe if you stretched it,  considered the demons as aliens and the dream realm a different dimension. Maybe possibly. Maybe someday I'll try a science fiction story...I'd love to have a Star Trek novel someday...I'd say Star Wars, but I hung that dream up years ago. I do have a novel series to write someday set in a fantasy world, complete with demons, based around triplet royals (2 princesses and a prince)....two sets really, but that's for later.

I have enough fuel for at least four books dealing with Craig and Angela and their families. I have a spark of an idea for a fifth novel, but that doesn't have a green light yet. I am about 2/3's of the way through retyping The Farmer's Daughter, and once that is done I am going to read through RIng to see what will need to be fixed there. There has been at least one name change for a character and it's possible another character will get a name change.

Some of the religious content is being edited/deleted/restructured as well. Not the spiritual aspects, don't be confused by that like I obviously was when I originally wrote the story. And it is far from being theologically correct. I am taking vast creative liberties with the spiritual realm - we will meet both Lucifer and Jesus and Legion before the series end as well. One of the liberties I've taken with some of these characters is giving them different names. Many of them no longer go by their 'given names' choosing to be known by the names humans have given them instead. This is why it's called fiction.

I have cut some chapters which I felt was slowing the pace, which in turn has led to new scenes...because some of the cut chapters still happen, but I'm changing how I let the reader learn about them. So once this is done...I'm going to have to treat those sections as a rough draft again. Some scenes have been restructured so we're only seeing through one character's point of view instead of everyone in the scene...I may have to go through that again, see if the few blended scenes still work. I'm also changing some of the formattings...there will no longer be a ~ separating scenes. Rather, just using space and a font change.

The more complicated answer to the question directed at me today would have to be Extreme Romance. If that's not a genre, it should be. My definition of Extreme Romance would be to reference the 2002 Spider-Man movie...specifically, the Bridge Battle scene where Hob Goblin forces Spidey to chose between his beloved MJ and a tram full of kids, forces him to chose the kind of hero - the kind of person - he wants to be. I'll include the clip so you can experience it.

If that's not Extreme Romance, I don't know what is!

Happy reading peeps!

A Friday Post

I wanted to do posts Monday and Friday's but I've run out of words for this week. Suicide hit a lot closer to home this week, and even though I did not know either almost relative well...my heart is sad. So I am posting Gary Allan's music video for today...it has brought me comfort in the past. If you cannot see the light at the end of your night, and need help...the Suicide hotline is 1-800-273-8255

There is help for you, and hope. Much love to all.

Wordless Wednesday June 13 2018

Fake it to Make it

This post contains STRONG language. Do not read it the F-word offends you.

I've been giving this a lot of thought over the weekend, and I find I can't leave the subject of depression right now. Perhaps because of recent suicides, perhaps because in the novel I'm retyping deals with it.

Years ago, a lifetime ago, when I was going to an unnamed church, a friend and I were given TERRIBLE advice on how to deal with our depression. I didn't realize it at the time, but time has given me a different perspective.

We were told to keep it hidden, and when in a public setting to "fake it until you make it". Because you know, if you smile long enough eventually your mood will change. Grin and bear, just a different turn of phrase.

So not only was it a sin to be depressed, it was also a sin to let it be seen outside of the privacy of your own home. After all, if a Christian isn't joyful ALL the time then they're not a real Christian. If someone is depressed, then there is sin in their life that they aren't confessing and they need to get right with the Lord. Or worse...you had somehow opened a door for a demon to come and oppress you (not to be confused with possessing, that's something different)

FUCK THAT SHIT!!!

Pardon the strong language, but the fake it until you make it attitude is the worse advice ever. It denies the reality that sometimes depression is a real medical issue meant to be treated with drugs or therapy or both. This advice endangers lives!!

Yes, sometimes depression is the result of circumstances. But there is NOTHING wrong with being depressed because life has shit on you. Sadness resulting from job losses, illness, deaths, and other losses can and does turn into a lasting depression. My husband lost 4 family members within a relatively short amount of time, with a few losses on my side tossed in for good measure. So not only was he dealing with his own depression, he had mine too...and vice versa. And I'm not ashamed of those years -- loved and cherished family members were taken from us before their time. It hurt, and was a lot for both of us to process.

We need to stop putting a time limit on grieving.

Even if you are depressed for no reason you can discern...it's still not a sin. Odds are, there isn't a demon hanging on your back either. Sometimes our bodies do things we just don't understand, and sometimes parts just don't work like they're supposed to. Including our brains.

We all wear masks from time to time. Putting on a polite face to deal with a relative we really don't like, or coworkers, or that rude ass person being a dick at the drive-thru. This isn't that.

While religion can and does give people comfort, it can also be abused to...well, abuse people.

This advice is not something I still dwell on. I've washed my hands of the person it came from and understand that some of it was denial about their own mental illness. Probably still is as this person is still in the same church.

It's just recent events have brought the memories back and it makes me so angry! If your church has this attitude about depression being sinful, my advice is to run! Get out! If not for your own mental safety, then for that of a loved one. Find a church willing to accept it as a normal part of life, sometimes needing medical treatment.

If you've ever given anyone this advice...repent and apologize to that person and ask them how you can help. I wish more people had not treated me like I was some kind of leper just because I wasn't willing to put on a happy face when I was not happy. There were some, but I'm not naming names on either side of this set of memories. The guilty know who they are.

This attitude of having to be happy all the time is how so many of us who deal with depression on a regular basis have learned how to look happy on the outside. Which is why people are surprised when a "happy" person commits suicide.

I don't know why it is this way, I'm just venting really.

I just know that we as a society need to stop this harmful attitude. Before more lives are gone.

Happy Friday Peeps

Going to keep this short and sweet (I say that now).

Just checking it to see how you all are doing. It's never easy when someone "famous" commits suicide, never easy when ANYONE does...but when someone famous does it, there's so much more publicity. And it draws out so much negativity and erroneous thoughts about suicide and depression.

I myself was not well acquainted with who Anthony Bourdain or Kate Space were in the limelight. Bourdain's name sounds the most familiar to me, but even after looking him up on the net, I still couldn't place his face

I still grieve for Robin Williams.

For that matter, I still feel grief for the boy from high school who may have killed himself...for the mother of a friend who could no longer battle her mental illnesses...for the friend from high school who took her own life.

My own grandfather attempted to take his life. That is a story for another time. I do have permission to tell it, as I "interviewed" my mother and her sister. But the time wasn't right for me. The day will come though.

I have contemplated suicide before. I know someone else who has, but that's a story I can't tell...between them and me.

The joy set before me :)

But my story, short and sweet...I remember a couple different times in my twenties when the darkness was so heavy and I just wanted out from underneath it. The one that stands out the most, was the time I had a razor blade to my wrist. To the point I was drawing blood. I couldn't do it though, because my fear of death and pain was still greater than the depression. I really am grateful for that fear...because of the happiness I have today.

When I tried reaching out for help, I was accused of being overly dramatic and just wanting attention. By someone I loved and respected at the time. Still love them, still respect them...just not the same way. I can never really look at them the same way.

Obviously, I managed to survive and see my way out of that bout. And the bout after that. Just like I had many times before. Ironically thinking how much of a coward I was for being unable to take the final exit. Everyone thinks it's the ones who commit suicide who are being cowards and taking the easy way out. No, no they're not.

NO THEY'RE NOT COWARDS!

They are desperate. They want out of the pain and the darkness...and their desire for that freedom finally outweighed whatever fear of death they may have had. It's the only way they can see.

Which is why it is so important to not mock people when they talk about taking their lives or being depressed. Take every mention seriously, even if they've done it a hundred times before.

If you don't have anyone in your life you can talk to, who will take you seriously...please call the Suicide Hotline to start getting help that way.  1-800-273-8255.

And if you can...break contact with those who mock your pain. You don't need that.

I didn't know all this was going to come out what I opened the post to write. I intended something light and fun for the weekend. But once I started I couldn't stop.

This is something I take seriously and have a passion for. Which can be seen in my novels, because the two main protagonists both battle depression - among other things.

But for the real people in my life, if you're battling depression...know you're not alone. There are those of us who understand. Find a light in your darkness, be a light in someone else's darkness.

May your weekend be a safe one. Much love to all.

Wordless Wednesday June 6, 2018

Sweet Delights

Since my surgery and being on medical leave, I've been feeling better and I've been picking up some old hobbies. Like reading. Like blogging. Like trying out different recipes I find online. I have even written a poem or two. I've started rereading my first novel...much to my dismay the number of typos I missed grieves me, along with a couple of continuity errors. Trying to get back into being the me that got lost in depression and exhaustion.

Every time Mr. Janney and I start going through things, trying to organize, we've never agreed on what to do with my cake decorating supplies. I have pans up to you know where! I've always argued that we should just get rid of them because I just don't see myself getting back into it. He was always like, 'you never know.' Well, he turned out to be right. Because the decorating bug hit me right around his birthday.

Years ago, our local Ames (a discount store that is no longer in business) offered Wilton cake decorating classes. Yours truly took all three courses. I made quite a few decorated cakes back then. I did one of my younger brother's graduation cake. I did two wedding cakes. A couple little ones for church functions.

The cake I did for Mr. Janney's birthday was very plain. I didn't have quite enough confectionery sugar for the amount of cake I had. It was still tasty though. I am not going to share that picture here, but I will share a cake I made a while after we'd finished that one. I'm not sure how long after his cake was gone that I made it, but it's the result of watching Wilton YouTube videos. I was watching so many it was keeping me from going to sleep a few nights. "Oh, that is so cool...wait, what are they recommending next? Oh I have to watch that too!" I believe is how the internal dialogue went. I started watching them to remind myself of everything I've forgotten over the years and quickly led to new techniques...seen in the cake pictured. The scraper painting on the bottom border, and the hydrangea flower on top. Not bad for a first attempt.

I want to try sunflowers next. They looked super easy in the video I watched. I'm not sure when I'll try that. I have to start being more careful in my diet because my blood sugar started going up after Easter. I'm not sure why, because I didn't think I was eating that much different than usual, although I had started eating bread and other gluteny things again...it's so hard staying away from gluten. I don't know if I have an actual gluten sensitivity, but I do know that I hurt a lot less when I stay as gluten-free as possible. If I can ever afford the "artificial" powdered sugar I'll give that a try for home cakes. I don't know if I'll ever decorate for others, though I'd love too.

Cakes aren't the only things I've been baking. I've been making cookies and pies as well. I've started using artificial sweeteners for that too. The one chocolate chip cookie recipe I've been using a lot actually came off the back of the sweetener bag. Even Mr. Janney likes them. It doesn't take all of the sugars out of the recipe, but it does help reduce them.

The nutritionist I've been seeing wants me to consider going on the Keto diet, a low carb/ high-fat diet. I'm not sure I want to be that strict, but I'm willing to try to get as close as possible. I like having toast with my eggs, and it's hard to not have at least 2 slices (down from my usual 4). And potato salad! It's summertime and potato salad is my favorite summer salad. I tried swapping the potatoes out for cauliflower and it wasn't bad. Not the same, but not bad.

I know a lot of it is going to come down to portion control. And I've never been very good at that unless I actually measure stuff out and keep a journal of everything I eat. Which is annoying. Very annoying. Especially if I have a food freak out and eat everything I can get my hands on. I did get a little worried today after breakfast. It was very low carb...black coffee with sucralose, eggs and bacon on a cauliflower English muffin I had made myself. Just a few hours later, I was shaky in the legs. I knew it was probably a 'false low' but I took my blood sugar anyway to check and it was down to 82. Not too low, but considering my morning fasting number had been higher, and it was now lower after eating, I thought it best to eat something to give it a little boost. Of course, I now need to make more pretend English muffins, but I'll do that tomorrow.

In the meantime, I have to put laundry away and try to resist a second piece of strawberry rhubarb pie...