No Time Like the Present

Every time I think about writing a new post, I either get distracted or discouraged. Part of me is like: why bother? Another part of me is like: why not? While these two sides of me is arguing, there is a third side sitting there eating popcorn wondering who's going to win. My internal monologue can get quite hectic sometimes.

Who am I kidding? Most of the time my internal monologue is hectic!

Today, so far, the "Why not?" side is in the lead. We'll see how long that lasts.

Thankfully, the most interesting thing that has happened to me personally recently has been a rodent getting into the electrical works of my dishwasher. Little jerk got some wires and a drainage hose. After some ado, we finally got it fixed and it's working again. It was down quite a few days though and I buggered up my bad knee by trying to wash dishes by hand. I know, it's really kind of a first world problem to be complaining about, given the state of America right now, but we all cope with this shit any way we know how. And really, pain is an equalizer for any world.

Whatever rodent is haunting the house has also been causing Pete some anxiety just by existing. I say haunting because I haven't seen the thing, I just know it's there. It also has been raiding the pantry, which is on the opposite side of the room from the dishwasher. It got a chunk of vanilla candy melt I had leftover from Christmas, and an old ramen noodle pack. I hope it chokes.

Mr. Janney and I are taking a break from driving while we switch companies. I'm trying to catch up on everything I couldn't get done while working 50 to 60 hours a week. I'm also taking time to just relax because I was burnt out. I still feel burnt out, but it's beginning to ease. I've probably picked the worst time ever to be switching jobs again, but there's no time like the present. Besides, is there ever a really good time to try something new?

I'm hoping to get out past the Mississippi River again and see the Rockies before summer's end. Fingers crossed! For now, I've got to resume the search for this years taxes. I'd like to get them paid before we take off and it might take me that long to find them. It's just a little slip of paper, but so far I've concluded it's not on my desk soooo I've got to switch my search to the kitchen table. Wish me luck!

A Little Bit of Everything and Nothing

I've decided to keep on blogging. I don't know how often I'll be posting and I'm not going to try to set any kind of schedule at this point.

And just like any other time I sit down to write anything, my mind is as blank as the screen or paper in front of me.

Am I afraid to write what I'm thinking? Afraid of judgement? Afraid I'm writing into a void? Afraid I'm not writing into a void and someone is actually there?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

I'm also tired in a way that has nothing to do with wanting to take a nap. Life is a barely bearable routine at the moment. Up too early with no way of knowing if the dispatch in my text messages is 100% accurate, and no matter where I'll be going the scenery remains the same...if I can see anything beyond the early morning darkness. And no guarantee that the work day will end before my bedtime.

I have managed to write a few poems recently, so there is that much. I'm not sure what to do with them. I haven't posted on my poetry blog in years and it seems pointless to start back up there. I've thought about compiling some into a book and publishing them, but that's as far as it's gotten.

That's enough for now.

Here's the last poem I wrote, for your reading pleasure.